Perceptions

Imagine all the angst we could prevent simply by using our words…

Perceptions

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Silence Scalpel Sharp

Some of the thoughts that kept me up last night are the hardest for me to wrap my head around:

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How is it possible to become invisible to a person who once loved you beyond reason?

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Finally understanding that someone would rather hurt you than be polite and that a person who you thought knew you inside and out is able to switch himself off emotionally to the pain and suffering he is causing

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That some people use shunning as a form of expression, telling themselves and others that they are the victim. They use silence to control the other person while denying they are the problem. They use passive aggressive punishment because of their own perceived demands by the other person

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Being ignored causes a pain that the body perceives as physical – fact

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I’d rather be hurt quick and clean with a truth than suffer the phantom limb of lost self-esteem and questions for a lifetime

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The only thing ignoring a person conveys is that you are too immature / frightened / calloused to behave decently. How cold can one be to know that your victim is suffering but feel justified to do nothing about it and go on simply ignoring it?

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The ‘Silent Treatment’ is a mind game and it is abusive

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I find it hard to let go if I’ve been led to believe one thing, even if I’m being shown another. I will give someone the benefit of the doubt to my own detriment. I will continue to reach out, to treat them with some version of the former friendship or regard because that is what caring people do. The one trait that I value highly in myself is my empathy and I won’t allow another’s cruelty or rude behaviour stop me from being who I am. If my intentions are perceived as weakness or neediness I can only remind myself that it takes courage and strength to reach out despite my misgivings. Why? Because I know that perceptions can only be changed when people communicate

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We’ve probably all done it or been subject to it. ‘The Silent Treatment’ is a schoolyard tactic and most of us know how quickly the shunned will fall in line. Why though, do adults choose to do this? I’m mystified that in this age that lauds communication, where people are constantly raging about lack of honesty in relationships and whingeing about decency in general; some people still fall back on acting like a bully to make a point or  to get what they want.

~ kei
29 February 2016
(I’m fine, just stringing together some old and recurring thoughts. K~xx)

Petites Pensées ~ Sag Mir

Footprints in the snow, here and there around my house
Wanting in, wanting anonymity, wanting… what?
Just a dream but telling

Is it desire behind these words
Is it fear behind this silence
Do you fear the surrender

Or only your surrender to me?

~ kei
28 February 2016

Ill Mannered

The only message delivered by the ‘Silent Treatment’ is that you are rude, passive-aggressive and that your communications skills would embarrass a pre-schooler.

Deliberately ignoring basic social courtesy reveals arrogance, ego and adolescent narcissism; a reaction that is incomprehensible and unacceptable from an adult in this day and age.

~ kei
26 January 2016

The Obligatory Closing Of The Old Year Post

Because… the obligatory ‘Year In Review’ post wasn’t nearly enough :p

I don’t do resolutions. My 2014 post mentions the very negative impact that resolutions have upon my inner teenager. Don’t even get me started on what they do to my inner two-year-old!

This has been a hard year for me. Like so many things in the real world, about one tenth of it makes it to written words that can be shared beyond my journal. There’s been catharsis and reconciliation, staggering losses and small soul-warming gains. There have been positive moves forward and arseholes who keep leaving their flaming dog shit at my door – figuratively speaking – I do live in a nice neighbourhood in my 3D world!

I think I’ll keep on as I am. This journey of the last three years has been enlightening in many ways. I feel the bonds of lifelong fears loosening. I’ve paid my dues and will not fall back into old patterns of pleasing and placating. I’ll live, learn and grow as I’m meant to, in good time and as the lessons and opportunities come.

For those of you who’ve been along for the ride, you have my thanks. I hope that you’ll be with me still in the coming year. There won’t be a big blog cleanup, no changes in posts, privacy and whatnot. We’re all different and as a terribly shy, wounded but walking, ADD/OCD, social introvert (it’s a thing – look it up), I’m not going to demand that you conform to my ideals, standards or bizarro quirks of interaction – don’t step on the carpet!! – Ha! Kidding.

I’m going to be here writing what I know and trying to be a friend as best I can in the Internet venue, a confidante to those who have or are walking the recovery road that I have and am, a writer that you like to see in your news feed and hopefully whose words sometimes strike a deep enough chord that you’re inspired to actually read them and not just expediently ‘like’. No resolutions, just me being me and accepting you as you.

May 2016 bring all of us the best it has to offer. May those things include health, happiness, peace and prosperity. If it can’t… let’s hope to hell we get a good story out of it!

With much love and gratitude for your continued support…

~ kei
31 December 2015