Tasting Tears

She cries in the rain and stares until she’s blinded at fiery sunsets

She drinks from the ocean, falls to her knees

And writes his name in the sand

She crashes into the pain this brings like the waves on the shore

She’s been scuttling about, trying to gather the pieces of her life

Strewn upon the floor, just like the mirror she shattered because he always said she was beautiful and she couldn’t find beautiful in the mirror

Her hands are cut and bleeding; pulling back the fragments, desperately trying to make them stick

And they prick…

The tender insides, the hidden chambers that she’s tried so hard to protect from this agony

She is a self-appointed mad scientist resurrecting a heart and soul that should by rights be dead. Only the bruises remain, purple, yellow, green

To the outside world, unseen…

Her heart has been shredded countless times by the world she ran from, trying desperately to hold onto herself

And though all the threads that bound her to that old life have been mercilessly cut

Her Angels give her back to this world, with a gentle hush, a kiss of down-like words, a caress against her ears to say

“Little One, it isn’t yet your time. We will meet again but not this way”

 So, she gathers the shards, smiles through the pain and though her body must reside in a world where strangers are cruel and lovers die…

She searches still for the man who will see the stars that shimmer behind her eyes

~ kei
26 January 2015

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Green Eyes Gone

There are oceans of sadness, that are caught in just one tear

Do you see the ghosts that haunt me whenever you draw near

It’s easy to find the tender spots, they’re reflected in my eyes

Like a waterfall of emptiness, of loss, betrayal and lies

In their emerald depths look deeply, fronds of seaweed abound

They call to you so sweetly, heed their siren call and drown

I waiver on this precipice, do I leap to the depths below

Dare I hope you’d mourn my loss, when you see that I’ve let go

~ kei

6 March 2014

Green Eyes Waterfall 2009

Betrayal

I awoke and found that your faith in me was gone
And I knew that I’d been fooling myself all along

I sat alone in the dark and inhaled the fragrance
Of dead hopes and firebombed dreams
No today and no more tomorrows
No more, I prayed as I slipped to my knees in the silence

Everybody warned me, your heart was impossible to hold
Shattered and broken, left too long in the cold

I didn’t listen, all I could see was you… You?
Or just the shadowed mirror that you allowed me to see?
Letting me hope, pray only to rip me apart like the one before
Disdaining my love, like it had never existed

I run the edge of the note that I found over my left wrist
Not even a goodbye, no farewell kiss

Alone in the dark, when love dies
The murderer is never there to see his handiwork
And the thin, red line… fades to black

Just
Fades…

~ kei

Didn’t Make The Headline News…

She looked out through the window over the sink at the backyard. The dish in her hand dripped unheeded onto the toe of her sneaker. She saw but didn’t register that autumn was making its mark on her beautifully maintained gardens. Her mind was miles away…

The path grew more rutted as she cycled into the overgrown woods surrounding what had been an apple orchard in the last century. Past the field stone foundation of the old farmhouse, all that remained of the family that once lived here. Just moments later, the path disappeared completely and she was beginning to feel very groggy and loose-limbed.

She stopped pedalling, got off the bike, not dropping it so much as it ceased to exist to het and continued walking into the deepening green. It was like walking underwater, she thought, but even her thoughts didn’t feel like her own anymore. It was like holding a conversation with someone else deep under the waves.

She thought briefly of her two children and her heart gave a squeeze of pain. It floated away though. Like all things did.

Her tears, when they came were few, as she sagged to her knees beside a huge rebel oak at the edge of the apple wood. Far away from where any stray hikers might pass. Quiet. Blessedly, peacefully quiet. So tired, so very tired, she thought. The pills in her gut lurched and she felt the dreamy waves circling round her brain with increasing strength.

The kids would be better off … without her and wasn’t… that sun… beam on her hand… pretty… very pr…

Death Becomes Me

I awoke and found that your faith in me was gone.

And I knew that I’d been fooling myself all along.

I sat alone in the dark and inhaled the fragrance

Of dead hopes and firebombed dreams.

No today and no more tomorrows

No more, I prayed as I slipped to my knees in the silence.

Everybody warned me, your heart was impossible to hold.

Shattered and broken, left too long in the cold.

I didn’t listen, all I could see was you… You?

Or just the shadowed mirror that you allowed me to see?

Letting me hope, pray only to rip me apart like the one before.

Disdaining my love, like it had never existed.

I run the edge of the note that I found over my left wrist.

Not even a goodbye, no farewell kiss.

Alone in the dark, when love dies.

The murderer is never there to see his handiwork.

And the thin, red line… fades to black

Just

Fades…