St. Hallmark Day Annual Post 2017

Once again, St. Hallmark Day is almost upon us. This means it is time to assault your eyes with my traditional St. Hallmark post. The tradition began on Facebook – that keeper of all events and occasions – several years ago and continues to amuse me. So…

Y’all are my Valentine Victims! Mwa-hahahahaha!! Welcome to the Massacre!

~~~~~

The 2017 edition of my annual mock-a-thon must include a nod to my Valentine.

Sweet Valentine person of mine

You jostle my molecules

and

Cause a kerfuffle in my bustle

Yay!

~~~~~

Mood music:

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St. Hallmark Day ~ Third Annual Massacre

Some Tongue In Very Cheeky Thoughts

Once again, St. Hallmark Day is almost upon us. Once again I’ll inflict that time-honoured  tradition that I started doing on Facebook several years ago.

Look out Cupid! The Valentine’s Evisceration is set to begin.

~~~~~

Basically, I’ve always felt that Valentine’s Day is an utter travesty and in my first St. Hallmark Day post on WordPress, I mention why. How St. Valentine’s Day came to be associated with chocolate, carats and tawdry Walmart lingerie is beyond me and my thought from then stands:

“Well, lets just say if you’re gonna give me gas station flowers and a Happy Birthday  Valentines day card. Please. Don’t bother. Now, if you want to bring home Thai and give me a foot rub on April 18th or October 12th, for no damn reason at all, THAT’s meaningful.”

~~~~~

And please none of those idiotic ‘Singles Awareness Day’ posts. For the love of whatever deity!! Don’t shit all over someone else’ thing just because you don’t have it (same goes for single mothers/ fathers who post snarky crap on Mothers Day/Fathers Day. You get your day, don’t shit on someone else’) It’s as juvenile as being mad that someone has a jag and you take the bus. Put on your grown up undies. Three hundred sixty-four days of the year, Singles are desperate to shed the title, then suddenly they want to ruin it for Couples…?

I weep for the future of Humanity.

~~~~~

So Cupid… What the freakin’ hell man?!

I know that you probably have some issues, coming from a broken home and all. As the son of the love goddess Venus and the war god Mars, I bet things got a little intense with Mum and Daddy but that’s no reason to take it out on humans for all eternity! That last one that you darted for me? That should have been a blow gun… Next time, leave it in the hands of the experts or I’ll be speaking to your Grandpappy and I’ll bet you don’t want to be grounded by Jupiter.

Crazed Cupid, Valentine, Funny

I stumbled on this video a long while back and I swear my last Vile-en-tine starred!! Always loved Carly Simon and even more so after watching this.

And to cap it off, one for the boys. I know you’re often left bewildered by the appearance of evil pod women who steal your normally sane partners on every 14 February. Take heart and start leaving the same kind of hints she does because 14 March is right round the corner!

St. Hallmark Day Annual Post

Once again, St. Hallmark Day is almost upon us. This means it is time to assault your eyes with my traditional St. Hallmark post. The tradition began on Facebook – that keeper of all events and occasions – several years ago and continues to amuse me. So…

Y’all are my Valentine Victims! Mwa-hahahahaha!! Welcome to the Massacre!

~~~~~

I’ve thought this is a rather crass, tawdry, contrived and generally tasteless occasion from the time I was in my teens and even during the years that I had the best Valentine on the planet. For you that like it, do carry on. For those that don’t, sing along with me or mock. Mocking is a highly underrated skill and therapeutic tool ;-).

~~~~~

Epistle of Undying Affection:

Oh! My baby makes me feel so fine
My crabby but sweet little porcupine
Lovin’ her, it hurts so good
Just like my Mama said it would
Her quills are tipped with Love Potion #9
My prickly and funny valentine
You know I ain’t never gonna leave her
Cause she’s my red and white hot-blooded
All tattooed and studded
Best Canadian Beaver!

~ kei

~~~~~

Mood music:

Whatever happened to the beautiful boys of my flaming youth?

Shush now! It was a rhetorical question. 😉

St. Hallmark Day Doth Approach

Some Tongue In Cheek Deep Thought for the Weekly Writing Challenge: My Funny Valentine?

It’s not that I dislike the true spirit of Valentine’s day per se or don’t like heartfelt good wishes…
I am all over the for realz feelz.

I worked in a Hallmark card shop years ago and seeing hulking brave men reduced to quivering jello, throwing their credit cards through the crack as we closed the doors and hearing the pathetic whimper of “I forgot it was Valentine’s Day, SHE’s gonna kill me, I’ll take ANYTHING”!! Let’s say, I was left to question the authenticity of the sentiment from a dude who gave a gift while looking like a deer in the headlights and to wonder a LOT about how smart, independent women turn into Femzilla unless placated with these burnt offerings on a certain day. I’ve heard talk in the lunch room about how THAT ring is expected or how there better be a rose petal trail to the candle lit, chocolate festooned boudoir… Yes Shirley. Your 60-year-old, hard-working plumber significant other will be all over that one!

It's the thought that counts

It’s the thought that counts

Well, lets just say if you’re gonna give me gas station flowers and a Happy Birthday  Valentines day card. Please. Don’t bother. Now, if you want to bring home Chinese and give me a back rub on April 29th or October 12th, for no damn reason at all, THAT’s meaningful.
Just sayin’…

St Hallmark Valentine

The legend of how the first written valentine originated is a lovely one. The soon to be martyred Valentine, wrote a letter to his jailer’s daughter, signing it as “your Valentine”. She planted a flowering almond tree beside his grave in his memory and it has come to represent abiding love and friendship. The heartfelt sentiment of the day is wonderful!

Poetry For The Eyes, A Valentine for the soul...

Poetry For The Eyes, A Valentine for the soul…

And so, in the spirit of the fast-approaching day, what is your favourite “You’re My Sweet Pookie Bear” song and your favourite “Bugger Off You Jerk” song? Feel free to comment or post a link to your favourite I love you or I hate you tune.

A few I can think of are: “Make Me Do Anything You Want” by Helix – of course, the Ballerina and the Bad Boy (yes, the original is epic too) – and “I’m On Fire For You Baby” by April Wine are tied for the gooshy sentimental hits. “Rearranged” by Limp Bizkit, “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon (and the video is funny! Gotta watch it) and “She Hates Me” by Puddle Of Mudd” are tied for my “go play in the traffic” selections. I grew up in a musical household, so this list could be endless!

So. Take THAT St. Hallmark. Music is a gift for everyone and has less calories than chocolate!