This post needed a little levity, the better to make the point so, sing the title along to the tune, which actually did occur to me as I was trying to think of a catchy yet related post title.
Note the people following the attractive Song and Dance Man (David McNaughton – American Werewolf In London). That was a happy accident. Not only because I’d never seen these commercials before, only heard the jingle but also because Narcissists often present as charming, charismatic and good-looking. They can work a crowd!
Narcissists thrive on secrecy and smearing. These are the tools they use to create, manipulate and maintain their environment and deceptions. If you are being asked to keep secrets, watch someone’s back or to avoid a complete stranger by a new friend or acquaintance in your real or online life; this should raise huge red flags. Secrecy (blocking on social media is just one tool) and cloak and dagger games, heighten the urgency and create a feeling of inclusion in a “magic circle” for the people surrounding the Narcissist. They are more likely to unwittingly play into his (sometimes) illegal activities. In RL, it’s hard to imagine people leaving common sense behind. Would you actually “look out for” a complete stranger? Would you peek into the windows of other people simply because someone asked you to? Highly unlikely. In real life, there would be restraining orders, there would be proof required, However, on the internet and especially when we are in communities of like-minded people, many folks do just that without pausing to say to themselves “What gives?”
In other words: Where have all my colleagues (friends, family) gone? To the tune of “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
Ask good questions. Benefit of doubt should always be given. Research should always be done. Finding yourself in a position that is akin to accessory to a crime is not where you want to be. A good one to ask yourself is “Why am I hearing all these dreadful stories about someone I don’t know from a cat-herder?” and “Why is a total stranger confiding and conveying this information to me?” Individuals with NPD thrive on secrecy, they maintain it by covering the tracks of their behaviour. They do it by smearing the reputation of people from their previous version of themselves, isolating former friends, lovers, spouses, simply by painting them in an unfavourable light. “Oh, don’t talk to them, they’re crazy. He’s been stalking me all over the internet. She’s parked at the end of my street every night.” If something sounds fishy, juvenile or overly dramatic, be alert. In RL, normal adults should neither enable nor participate in this behaviour. Ask your new friend to supply evidence.. If it isn’t forthcoming, be brave, be bold – go to the suspected threat. They won’t be hard to find, they have a starring role in the Narcissist’s tales and you may be surprised what a simple Google search may yield.
There are always two sides to a story.
17 March 2014
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
NPD is a very real personality disorder. It isn’t “just” vanity, big ego or benign delusions that can be fixed by a partner or spouse. It is highly destructive and cannot be changed, regardless of anything you do. I was not aware of the difference, in fact, had no idea that NPD existed. Discovering this, putting a name to it, having a frame of reference for the actions and most importantly, knowing that NPD has a predatory aspect, has turned on a light in my life.
This blog has a wealth of information and resources: Let Me Reach on WordPress
Please visit, read and educate yourself, particularly if you are a woman who is wondering every day “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? How can I change to be better for him?” Read and discuss for our daughters’ sake. This information isn’t widely known and it must be shared.
These people are out there. They walk and talk just like us, on the surface and they may present in a very pretty package but they are not what they seem. Learn the signs and markers.