Petites Pensées ~ What Might Have Been

Another of those very rare dreams about you last night
Let me be clear, this isn’t me pining, not in the least
It does strike me as rather sad though
Two people who once had so much to say to each other
Can’t find it in their hearts to observe even the social courtesies
Using technology instead of words
Maintaining the most tenuous of connections
Where once the sound of each other’s voices
Was the only sound our hearts could hear

~ kei
13 August 2017

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Honesty ~ A Repost From The Vault

I wanted to share an older post and found this one from 8 December 2013. I don’t remember writing or publishing it. It wasn’t tagged and it seems not a soul saw it.

I do remember now that it was almost three months to the day that I broke up with the Narcissist. Seems I was just beginning to unravel myself from the cocoon that had been woven around me.

The words stand. From this stronger place and going forward. Honesty is everything.

~~~~~

In retrospect, all I can say in bring honesty to a relationship
Don’t let your fear of what someone will think give you permission to not bring your true self to the table
Disguises don’t allow the bond to happen, your focus is all on appearance
You will come to resent the person you are wearing the mask for
They will never know where your anger comes from or why
When it is not they that expect it but you who won’t allow them fully in
What happens is that all the emotional investment you make in maintaining the illusion
Bleeds out of the relationship that you want so badly
All the hours and days spent in hiding, rearranging, chess-like moves and fighting
Could have been spent on loving, sharing, bonding
Don’t let a perception become your reality
Your past is past, it doesn’t define you necessarily
Someone who loves you won’t care who you slept with before
They will care that you are bringing your full and best self to them now
Don’t let the past unnecessarily shackle your present
Don’t let your fear of the unknown hijack your future
How I wish someone had told you these things long ago…
~ kei
8 December 2013

Pain For Gain

Trying to write the piece I mentioned last week is harder than I thought.

There have been many days, weeks, months that I never think of Peter or what those two and some years with him were. Unfortunately, writing something hopeful and perhaps even inspiring for people involved with Narcissists or just beginning the process of leaving means that I have to go back and visit that time.

Those panicky, terrified feelings creep back as I remember and there was so much… the mind boggles at the hugeness of the deception. I still can’t fathom it – the why of it.

It didn’t die with him either. I can only hope that those who read the book when it’s out, will find some comfort in knowing they aren’t alone. That’s the worst of it. Feeling alone, barely understanding what’s happened and being judged by others who know nothing about narcissists, sociopaths or pathological liars.

I hope this disruption in my well-being will be worthwhile. That what I have achieved helps someone to break free and move on. Knowing it won’t be easy, knowing there’ll be extremely difficult times but being assured that it’s worth it.

One’s self-esteem, value as a human being and right to live free of this abuse is worth every bit of the struggle.

~ kei
26 November 2015

Hiatus

Hmm… Well that was a bit of temper wasn’t it?

Fact is, I need a break from WordPress. It’s been close to four years, ninety percent of which was spent managing my once fiancé, the Narcissist Poet, our families and the machinations of a  boat load of Apaths invented and real, that he was continually acquiring.

One of them continues to attempt covering up her shitty behaviour by slandering me to other poets on WP. How do I know? One of you told me she does, worse, some believe it.

So.

I’ve been asked to contribute an article about the Survivor’s perspective after escaping a Narcissistic relationship. The article will be published in a new book being published by a respected clinician in the field and I’ll be detailing events and my ongoing recovery in the chapter that I provide.

I’m honoured. My intention has always been to shine a light on this little known and widely misunderstood pathology and I intend to give it my full attention. To that end, I’ll be gone for a while. Eclectic Unconfined has gone private for the duration, all else will be moved to the back burner while I write, regroup and reassess.

My friends will be able to reach me via email as always and for a perspective on how Narcissism can affect your life, reading my blog from the early days on may show you. The initial love, the  creeping doubts, the dawning realization, the awful truth and implosion and sadly, the ongoing fallout. I would have preferred that it had been private but we can’t choose who targets us, only how we pick up the pieces.

This post on Let Me Reach, promises to have a wealth of information to share for those of you who may be looking for answers for yourself, a friend or loved one.

~ kei
14 November 2015

The Tally

Balancing the scales and counting the cost

There’s only so much that one can do

To avoid the pain of terrible memories

Progress can be such a fragile thing

The unending, unwanted and insidious

Exposure to the perpetrator

So poorly disguised

Is too much

I cannot do it alone

And so I’m counting the cost

Of a friendship lost

Versus this casual pain

Should I remain

~ kei
27 September 2015

Thank You, Update And October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

First of all, thank you all for your lovely comments on my post about my Daughter’s birthday. I’m still a little bemused that anyone would entrust ME with two humans to raise but we’ve all survived, thrived and are a happy little band of love and silliness.

It was a busy day, as will this one be and I’m still trying to play catch up with you all in person – I’ll get there! In the meantime, just know it means a lot to me that you take the time to visit, read and comment ❤

I do need to share this important post with you from Bree Bonchay’s blog, “RelationshiPedia”. I’m doing a “press this” rather than full “reblog”, only to keep my post to a reasonable length.

Many of you know or have guessed that I was involved for a couple years with a Narcissist. Poetry has helped me to put a few things into a livable context. Concrete help has come from people like Kim Saeed, who I sometimes reblog and Bree is another person who has some very concrete and useful information to share. I highly recommend both for Survivors who want a balanced, respectful and recovery-focused viewpoint.

Bree is putting together a book in honour of  October being National Domestic Violence Awareness month. It will be called: “I Am Free: Healing Stories of Surviving Toxic Relationships With Narcissists & Sociopaths” and the goal is to provide inspirational stories that validate and help survivors learn from first hand accounts.

I don’t know that I’ll be doing this myself but I do know that there are others out there struggling with the lack of information, bizarre misconceptions and general apathy about bringing this form of abuse out of the dark. Survivors of Narcissist Abuse are consistently revictimized by misinformed family, friends and strangers and that must stop.

Please take a moment to read the post about the scope and intent of the book and if you know someone who may have a story to contribute or will benefit from its publication, please reblog, repost or save the link for future reference.

Source: Share Your Story In The Book, “I Am Free” About Surviving Narcissistic Abuse And Help Heal Others

WordPress is an amazingly supportive community and I hope you’ll consider getting the word out about this very real issue.

With gratitude and love
~ kei