Disconnected in December

Is it just me?

I’m feeling a little displaced… like I woke up in the wrong decade
Forget that it’s been a shite year… not just for me but for the world

I love this season. I am grateful but… I feel so… untethered
I miss my family… we’ve become the Four Solitudes

Boxes of ornaments are shelved like reliquaries
No point getting them out… we’re locked down again

I’m listening to carols and daydreaming about Christmas Past
Lying under my parent’s tree, holding hands with a brown-eyed boy

That moment of perfection is caught in the corner of my own eye
Blurring the edges of this unkempt living room… it’s all good

My view has softened from the harsh reality of a Covid Christmas
To a Christmas long ago when the world really was magic. the possibilities were endless and alone was unthinkable, unimaginable in that perfect moment.

Slipping out of view, slipping down my cheek…

~ kei
22 December 2020

Get Out Of My Head

Will you come to me tonight
You were right, it’s what I want
Let’s drive along the Parkway
We’ll revisit our old haunts

Lets shelter under the willow
Where no prying eyes can see
My body’s aching for your touch
Unwrap yourself for me

Your lips are benediction
As you bend your mouth to mine
Kisses that are sweetened
With experience and time

Share the lessons not forgotten
Held in check until you came
Every secret, searing memory
Is sparked to fiery life again

And now our bodies crash together
Truth speaks in sweat and seed
Time reveals we are a diamond
Unwrap yourself for me

~ Kei
27 May 2015, reworked 29 September 2018

I’ll Fight You

do unto others…

the golden rule is sadly tarnished

rules of engagement

more like

ignored so hard, I’m bleeding inside

i retreat, regroup, rethink

how can two people who once loved so deeply

not even be able to speak?

is this your strategy? is this how you do unto me?

I try that weapon, the blade turns

slicing at what’s left of my heart

betrayed at night by the enemy within

a traitor subconscious

dreaming a language that was ours alone

skin to skin, soul to soul

the code i know you know

something in me won’t let that go

do unto others…

I’ll fight your silence forever

to save my illusions of you

~ kei
26 May 2018

Unguarded

The thought caught me by surprise
Was it a sign of weakness?
Have you ever had one of those moments?

Well, not weakness so much as a surfacing
A loosening and a flowing
And the feeling that I thought was weakness

Started to taste more like desire
How I remember that flavour anyway
It’s the memory of how my name sounds

When it’s spoken from your lips

20 September 2017
~ kei

Petites Pensées ~ What Might Have Been

Another of those very rare dreams about you last night
Let me be clear, this isn’t me pining, not in the least
It does strike me as rather sad though
Two people who once had so much to say to each other
Can’t find it in their hearts to observe even the social courtesies
Using technology instead of words
Maintaining the most tenuous of connections
Where once the sound of each other’s voices
Was the only sound our hearts could hear

~ kei
13 August 2017

Less Speech Than Speechless

As if words might be too little for everything that this is and everything that you are. Easier to keep it all inside, cherished and nurtured. What it is though, this thing we are making, this phoenix rising, my head wants to give words to everything that’s in my heart and mending my soul. I sit with pen poised and lose myself in the thoughts. Thinking, thinking… kisses, such sweet kisses… like Aurora, I’m awakened, and the kiss is the first, of course it was the first, and also the now and my thoughts are spinning away. Pen forgotten, swept up in memories; I marvel at this, at how Life can in a heartbeat, give you back every cherished thing you thought wasn’t to be, couldn’t be… Puppy love, broken hearts, soul mates, lessons that needed learning, lessons yet to be learned. My self cracks open and the words all spill out, written on to your skin these cursive kisses and copperplate caresses… whispered in your ears and finally exhausted because there will never be enough to make up for those unspoken in that space in between.
Those words left over are limitless “I love you’s” and the rhyme is always your name and if I never wrote anything again except for these… I would be content with this body of work.

~ kei
26 January 2017

Lodestone

I wrap myself in a simple garment of cotton
One that holds in its threads the essence of you
Slipping in and out of my self and my soul
Catching stitches of the past and the present
Gently pulling my heart-strings closer together

Weaving what I once was into who I am now
Tiny healing stitches of you and me
What I am and who you see
Carried in each inhalation
Something both electrifying and benediction

Talisman or lodestone, I can’t be sure
Knowing only that mornings of late
I come awake more fully who I am
More completely my own woman
Wrapped in the scent of a man

~ kei
26 November 2016