Without Rancor

I can always tell when you’re off on another trip
To places I only dream of with the woman you call wife

You disappear for a standard period of time a week sometimes more
Or visiting virtually from a locale whose beauty takes my breath away

There is no rancor and only a trace of bitterness, honestly
You regret your choice but only sometimes. I’ve heard it before

This is how you prove to me that you don’t love me
To forever exclude me from what truly matters in life

If you will not share the simplest of things with me
Dining in public, visiting your parents, children
You do not love me and words will not change that

Love isn’t simply a feeling
It’s everything that you do
If you will not share your life
She retains the best of you

~ kei
1 February 2016

~~~~~

Just some old thoughts rolling around, not the present. ~k

Just Another Day

Sometimes the things I feel most deeply are the hardest to capture in the form and structure of words…

My recurring thought leading up to today is that once it meant everything to me, to us and is now reduced to a box on a calendar. There are days still when your absence causes an ache  just like the pain of a phantom limb.

I used to scoff when I’d read or hear that the reason for a breakup or divorce was “He / She changed”. People don’t change, I thought. I was so young and could afford a lot of black and white opinions. The truth is; we do. We grow and that itself is change. We are tested and tempered. Family, money, health, children… We say that we’ll stand by each other through that but can’t ever know just how hard it can be. We emerge from each year a revision of ourselves. Sometimes, we just become more completely what we are.

I’m okay many days in a row now but… I will always miss how you made me feel like it was you and me against the world and I am glad we are still friends of a sort. In this sentimental moment, on  a day that should have been a wedding anniversary…

I just wanted you to know that I will always hold you in the small of my heart.

~ kei
25 May 2015

Petites Pensées ~ Strengths

What I find is that as I’m getting reacquainted with me, is that he is a large part of the definition of myself.

I spent more than half my life with him

The “Elf Dance” is as much a part of my DNA as “Boogers for sale” and for better or for worse…

He defines much of the things that I like best about me.

That is the legacy of love.

~ kei

13 October 2014