Just My Due

I’m not asking for much

Certainly, not more than what you could so easily give

Just this

A kiss

That piece of me that you hold in your memory

Because I have lost myself

My world is off its axis

And just once

I’d like to feel whole again

Complete

Loved

Beautiful

The way I did when I could see me

Reflected, refracted

Every facet diamond cut and perfect

In the depths of umber

That are your eyes

~ kei
21 September 2015

The Prisoner

I see the key has been dropped
Still I fear to leave my prison

One simply acclimatises you see
Though it goes against all reason

Thoughts of you all through my head
Do I dare to step outside

There’s a rage in the cage
This desire I cannot hide

Just a word is all I need
To transition to free

Imprisoned here in my dreams
I beg of you rescue me

~ kei
29 July 2015

caged woman

Monday Melancholia

Ever the little match girl

Shivering outside the hall

Watching people come and go

New and old, all welcomed

With hearts, flowers

Euphemistic hugs and “huns”

Sisterhood claimed

But only for the chosen ones

There is no real sisterhood

Behind these walls of glass

Melancholy?

Yes. As I wave goodbye

To another stranger

I could throw a rock

To break the walls

Shatter the false illusions

Instead, I’ll square my shoulders

Souldering on with my integrity

Those who choose to listen to a snake’s whispers

Those of tribe hearts, hugs and smileys

Are too false and too shallow

For walking wounded like me

Remain in your palace of glass

Far too hard to make a true effort

And it will come to pass

That truth will be revealed

Duplicity and lies can’t be forever

Concealed

~ kei
13 July 2015

Absent

It’s the mornings when I miss you most…

Where on tousled sheets your scent lingers

It’s the afternoons when I miss you most…

Discussions from Thai, to travel, to singers

It’s the nightfall when I miss you most…

Because my body craves your fingers

I miss you at all hours of the day and week but what’s a girl to do
I’m missing the man who’s my Heathcliff
And the ghost that I love
… is you

~ kei
29 May 2015

Just Another Day

Sometimes the things I feel most deeply are the hardest to capture in the form and structure of words…

My recurring thought leading up to today is that once it meant everything to me, to us and is now reduced to a box on a calendar. There are days still when your absence causes an ache  just like the pain of a phantom limb.

I used to scoff when I’d read or hear that the reason for a breakup or divorce was “He / She changed”. People don’t change, I thought. I was so young and could afford a lot of black and white opinions. The truth is; we do. We grow and that itself is change. We are tested and tempered. Family, money, health, children… We say that we’ll stand by each other through that but can’t ever know just how hard it can be. We emerge from each year a revision of ourselves. Sometimes, we just become more completely what we are.

I’m okay many days in a row now but… I will always miss how you made me feel like it was you and me against the world and I am glad we are still friends of a sort. In this sentimental moment, on  a day that should have been a wedding anniversary…

I just wanted you to know that I will always hold you in the small of my heart.

~ kei
25 May 2015

Contused And Conflicted

I’m black and blue all over
Feels like four rounds with Ali
But the bruises are invisible
Because my opponent is me

I’m bleeding blood and roses
In spilled ink and tattoos
But I can’t forego this dark Muse
Because my assailant is you

~ kei
22 May 2015

David Hale Rose Inkwell Tattoo

©David Hale Rose Inkwell Tattoo

Untitled

black words, white paper
black shadow, white snow
black and white film
erotic picture show

his black heart beats
on my snow-white skin
the pain I know, calling again
open the door, let him in

he holds every card
so give up, give in
this game we’ve been playing
let go, let him win

for as time passes
his entreaties grow
and i’d rather be hurt
by the devil i know

~ kei
2012

Grey Areas

Grey Areas