The Making Of Apaths

noun \ˈa-pə-thē\: the feeling of not having much emotion or interest : an apathetic state

Full Definition of APATHY
:  lack of feeling or emotion :  impassiveness
:  lack of interest or concern :  indifference
See apathy defined for English-language learners »
See apathy defined for kids »
Examples of APATHY
People have shown surprising apathy toward these important social problems.
I’m not Gay / Black / Red / Female why should I care?

The term “Apath” has evolved to describe the people surrounding a Narcissist who deliberately or benignly turn a blind eye to the characteristics, activities and victims of the Narcissist, or simply sit back and allow it. “Not my problem”, “Not hurting me”, “But he writes so beautifully!”, “He/She was just wrong for her/him, I’m the one he needs”, “Who cares?”, “I don’t want to get involved”


Having emerged from an abusive relationship, I can see more clearly how my life and my self were deconstructed to the point where it was possible for a predator to take over. One part of the story was my short time as being simply an Apath during the devalue, discard,  and smear of one of the previous targets of the Narc.

With the knowledge I’ve gained since February, when the “relationship” ended permanently with me telling the Poetical Predator that we were finished and implementing “No Contact” (before I was aware that this is both a tool and a coping strategy); I admit at times feeling a little guilt that I was once the type of person who so infuriates me now. Apaths are the adoring audience that a Narcissist surrounds him/herself (for the purpose of clarity and because this is my story and my carpal tunnel, this Narc was male and all pronouns in my writing will reflect that fact going forward). Apaths can be involved with the Narc to varying degrees, sometimes they only see the public face and therefore, have no reason to question or involve themselves when a drama erupts around the Narc. Others, like me, are in fact being evaluated for our potential as the next “Target”. The Narc was textbook in his approach with me, unfortunate that they don’t make that book available in Social Studies or Psych 101.

A friendship that developed over time, the gradual inclusion in my Social Media, where he promptly began data-mining for the “Mirroring” phase (add water and presto! You’re an indian who loves wolves, Thai, vintage cars and purple). The private communications that began innocently enough. It’s easy for anyone to see that I am compassionate, empathetic and a good listener. We talked about his troubles with children, an in law, PTSD from military service; even requests for “womanly” advice about his daughter and help with recipes! All meant to be disarming. Then the more intimate sharing of past marital disputes, spousal infidelity, his enforced celibacy and dating issues associated with his being online. I had no way of knowing that virtually all of this had zero basis in reality. Zero. ALL of it. I only saw the online persona at that time. It never clicked that in all his “troubles”, he was always the victim.

In those early days, he was actively devaluing and demonizing – my Narc couldn’t stop at just devaluing – a woman who I now suspect may be his first online victim. She was an easy target. Loving, older, single for a long time. He would encourage her publicly and then precipitously ban or block her from the public forum where we’d met. She’d be back again within a couple of weeks. As an observer of people, I noted the trend after a while. It became more evident once he and I connected as “friends” on the Facebook platform. By then, he’d begun to use the terms “stalker” and “stalking” when he spoke about her. In fairness, the behaviours I could see supported his comments. I believe now that there was much behind the scenes orchestration of that. After all, performance art is a Narc’s existence. I could not see the other side and herein lies my point: I bought it based on what I could see.

Narc was adept at weaving tales and particularly skilled at portraying people here online as bat shit crazy. There’s a LOT of you, LOL! By the time it was no longer necessary to smear this one woman, ostensibly because he’d created several other “enemies”, real women and accounts he created, he had not one, not two, but three restraining orders against her. I wonder if she knows? By that time, he had enlisted my support as a “protector” of sorts. Blocking this woman, not allowing her onto my public Facebook page (because she “stalked” him there – the evidence of those days is there yet) and as a Manager Admin on his Facebook page, keeping her and an ever-growing group of women blocked – AT HIS REQUEST. “Baby, can you keep an eye on her? My daughter says she’s posting about me again.” This is the same time he began laying the groundwork for having me remove much of my online presence, since reestablished. Why yes. Yes I do have evidence to support what I’m saying.

I was a very good Apath. First Lieutenant Apath. It never occurred to me to question because he manipulated this woman to support the stories he told me. Her piteous poems of their dates, her dreams for their future, his stories about her parked outside his home and pursuing Facebook relationships with his children and family; all served to make her look crazy. Why couldn’t she just let it go? Why didn’t she just leave him be when there was a restraining order against her. I certainly wasn’t going to engage with her by asking the questions. Who knew what might set her off. Right? If I’d asked, just once; my life might be very different now. I chose to believe the poor, beleaguered poet because I was” the only one who understood”, “his best friend”. In reality, his best and longest lasting “Supply”.

It wasn’t long before the “love-bombing” began. He professed his love on 11 November 2011 and the “romantic” chapter of the saga began.

But that’s another story for another day.

~ kei

24 August 2014


This site and the wonderful, compassionate woman who Admins there, saved my sanity. If you suspect you or someone you love is involved with a Narcissist Predator, her site and those that she recommends can provide a wealth of education, healing and most important for this little known and often minimized type of abuse; belief, understanding and support.

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