My Big Fat Reblog

Well, share actually. To keep my post size manageable here and in the feed, I’ve linked rather than reblog.

Kendall F. Person of The Neighbourhood on WP, just wrapped up a three-part series on gossip. It was done in a story format and is incredibly powerful, delving into the motivations of the person who initiates the gossip and blowing up the general attitude that repeating misinformation is harmless.

Y’all have probably seen my shorts, poems and rants about gossip. It’s hard to be completely objective when one has been and continues to be, targeted by a gossip. Kendall’s pieces bring home the point so much better. I hope you’ll take the time to read each of his and perhaps mine too. It is subjective but factual. Gossip hurts.

I’m listing them in link format below and the last link is to an old piece of mine that retells and old Jewish parable about the consequence and effect of malicious words and as I like to refer to gossip, ‘sanctioned slander’.

Comments are welcome on this piece in particular and note that it falls under my writing about Narcissism. Gossip is one of the power tools in the Narc’s tool kit and they use it and their cronies to start it and spread it.

Ask good questions. Start with ‘why is this person telling this?’

~ kei
3 December 2015

~~~~~

Gossip Part One

Gossip Part Two

Gossip Part Three

Words, Feathers, Rabbis and Letters

I Got Nuthin’

… but I did stumble over this in my virtual wanderings. It’s funny and very relevant for me right now. Personally, I’d love if The Gossip got a kick in the arse every time they spread their fertilizer… A girl can dream!

How to Squelch Malicious Gossip: 15 Steps (with Pictures).

View From The High Road

Walk a mile in my moccasins

Before you choose

To abuse

You didn’t climb my mountains

You didn’t ford my white water

There are days that I can barely breathe

When victory is getting off my knees

If you think you’ve a right to judge me

Remaining too indifferent to compare

I hope you aren’t teaching young minds

Your lazy notion of fair

Walk a mile in my moccasins

Before you choose

To abuse

~ kei
10 July 2015

Regrettable

Friendships are Life’s best gifts to us
When kindred spirits intertwine

Soul mates newer and the older
No matter the vintage of the wine

So did I think of you my friend
Such kinship offered was thine

How sad that barely savoured
It was blighted on the vine

~ kei
9 July 2015

Aside

So-o-o…

If we’ve been blog friends, follow each other, like, comment, maybe even kibitz once in a while and then one day…

Poof!!

You start behaving like I’m the virtual version of the Black Plaque, I may just notice.

And…

If I see that this has happened to me before and that the common denominator each time a connection mysteriously implodes is a unibrowed, tub ‘o adulterous slut…

Well…

I guess I’m better off without anymore “sheeple” in my realm of existence.

Just thinking this afternoon…

~ kei
9 June 2015

Aside

The only thing that could spoil a day was people. People were always the limiters of happiness, except for the very few that were as good as spring itself.

~ Ernest Hemingway

People always have an expected gain when they volunteer information.

Frankly, I am inclined to be suspicious about the motives and integrity of someone who tells me something negative about another person without facts or evidence. Certainly, It begs the question: why is the teller so threatened by the person they are maligning?

As writers, we know the importance of research, checking details and sources and if it matters to me at all, I’ll be check the facts rather than to act – in any way – that gives credence to what is only gossip unless and until all sides are out in the open and not whispered “behind the walls”.

… just thinking this AM

~ kei
30 May 2015

Words, Feathers, Rabbis and Letters

I saw and read several posts about words yesterday. I’d ventured into my Reader for the first time in months – unfortunately, just being on the Internet and WordPress in particular can still trigger me; PTSD is a lingering effect of the NPD that I was subjected to. I figure it’s better to avoid it until I feel strong and not to be a hypocrite, peering through one eye, grimacing as I hurriedly scroll through clicking an arms length “like” willy nilly to satisfy my perception that people won’t like me / will think I’m snooty, blah blah; if I don’t come by regularly. That said, I sometimes still do EXACTLY that.

Words, writing, poetry… are on my mind a lot these days and kept me up most the night last night. Yesterday was a consult for the rejigging of the cover art for my new book. The backstory behind that can be funny, sordid, embarrassing and sad by turns. I’m reclaiming this bit of myself so that at least the story – the words – that go with it will be framed in a way I can live with. A way that reflects the truth and I will tell the story  here when the release date comes up, even the embarrassing bits!

So it is that words are heavy on my mind.

Most of you who visit know a little about me. None of you know all of me. I try to give a picture of myself through my words. In the early days of this blog, I eschewed the use of graphics because I wanted people to read my words – my words – not the feeling that someone else’s art conveyed.

I like to think I’m articulate and can communicate clearly in conversation, poetry even in the technical documents that I’ve written. If you asked people on the 3D side of the screen here, they’d likely tell you I’m a bit of a whiz with words – thanks Mum and Dad!

I really hate that somewhere along the line, my words have got lost. I feel as though I’ve become nothing more than a side door peep show in the circus of the Internet and I hate even more that I can attribute that feeling to someone else’s words. I know that gossip is a hot commodity and I know that WordPress is as much a popularity contest as two-year olds in tiaras but… I never dreamed it would taint my life and my words the way that it has.

Like any writer, I like to see people come and read, I thrive on it in fact. Humans need validation and kind words and comments tell me that I’ve said something that people can connect to. I look at my stats, I know you do too (don’t say you don’t!) and I find it horribly disheartening to see they frequently have bloomed in direct relation to words about me. Intellectually, I understand that when a person plants seeds of doubt or outright lies about you in a public space, there will be a lot of negative attention generated. I know for a fact by stats and investigations that this happened to me. Intellect be damned! That hurts my feelings.

I know the words that were spoken. I’ve heard them direct from source. I have been hurt by the perpetuation of lies. I did think though, that at least if folks were going to come for the perceived train wreck, they’d see my words. I hoped they’d see me as a person through my words. Clearly, if you can read one person and believe what they say, you can do same with another? That is what I believed. Just words after all… So much damage from such small things.

Sadly, I’ve learned it’s not true. My life continues to be a peep show for some. The old hangers-on, the new online dalliances… The temptation to post “move along, there’s nothing to see here”, often wants to fly off my angry fingertips.

Then I remember why I’m here.

I have words.

I have beautiful words to share. I have a wealth of life and love and learning experience that I believe has value and that I wish to share. There are people here who look past the gossip, who have open minds and see the big picture, in my words.

 ~~~~~

One of my favourite parables is about a wife who is gossiping about another woman in town. Her Rabbi hears about it and visits her, bringing with him a feather pillow.

He doesn’t mention the gossip but instead instructs her to go to the top of the hill outside town on the next windy day. She is to tear open the pillow and shake out the feathers. On her way home, she is to pick up every single feather that has been released. On the day she performs this task, the Rabbi meets her as she is coming back into town. The woman is very upset, “Rabbi, this is an impossible task, how can I possibly gather up all the feathers? They have blown and spread so far!” The Rabbi nods and says “Yes, and that is why it’s important to not talk about others. Words once loosed, cannot be taken back.”

 ~~~~~

Don’t let your words be weapons. Don’t believe everything you hear. Don’t perpetuate rumours.
We were given the gift of speech. I think it behooves us to use it to communicate WITH each other and not ABOUT each other. How else do we instruct our children? At the end of the day, mine look at me with respect and they’ve walked this gauntlet with me.
I am just an ordinary human being, this is not my circus and definitely not my monkey. Though I’m always happy to speak with a fellow tightrope walker.

Blessed be.

~ kei
23 August 2014

~~~~~

The group dynamic that keeps the slander of a Narcissist alive is explained well in this piece: Narcissistic Group Dynamics

It is CRITICAL to check facts and sources – including humans – before acting upon or repeating what they say.