Meanwhile, Back At The Internet Café

I wrote this at the height of the “Gaslighting” phase of my two-year relationship with a Narcissist Predator. It’s really strange to go back and read my poetry and short stories from the period. Such highs! Such lows… So much love and romance but also black despair and suicidal tendencies. Scrolling through my journals, I found this draft and smiled a little. It is a sarcastic satirical and black-humoured piece. I was trying to cope with the assemblage of hoydens he’d gathered by writing about them the way he talked about them – never could figure why they just kept on lurking despite his insistence that “they were stalkers, knew he was engaged, were jealous of me”… Anyywaayy…
What I see now is the inkling of my comprehension of the pattern, how Apaths of varying degrees fit in to my story, lending credence, alibis or window-dressing as he required. Truly amazing, the effort he expended to keep me fooled or manipulate me to do certain things (my favourite was “Baby, would you comment more on my blog? People love to see us as a real couple, not just our books”) The funniest part is that “The Ladies” written about here are indeed real people, unlike some of the ones he created. Bruce Jenner had nothing on my poet! And I can actually smile, if ruefully at that today.

~~~~~

When I look back on how it all went down, I see it as if I was in a horror movie, a very bad, B-grade horror movie.

You know the ones, where you’re in a normal place, doing regular things and you look up to see that everything has gone to black and white. What you thought were people have all morphed into scary doll creatures or zombies and they’ve all turned to stare at you. Meanwhile, bit players drop in and out, talking to the zombie vampire people, buying their coffees, talking and laughing and totally oblivious to the fact that we are now all in a Hammer Film production. You look at this and wonder, like I still do; how can they not see the evil intent? How can they not know that those smiling mouths are full of lies and those pious old gals, gardening grannies and wholesome looking farmers’ daughter types are all bent on messing with lives out of unbridled jealousy and hatred and for their own twisted amusement? You want to yell, “Don’t open the door!” to the protagonist but… it’s you.

All of that came later though. When I first stumbled across it, the cafe was a fun place to be, good eats, good coffee and the owner had a smile and a poem for everyone. It was easy to see that the regulars at the banquette table at the back were indulging in some pretty serious geriatric flirting with the Café owner. He took it good naturedly, and it was nice to see that even those who could barely spell; always received a kind word of encouragement. There were no signs of the undercurrents of crazy when everyone connected to this story first met. Actually, in a Stepford Wives way, the regulars welcomed newcomers in.
That’s how I first became acquainted with them. The Ladies. Or as I later came to think of them: The Post Menopausal & Poseur Poetaster Club, of the Internet Poetry Café.
I like alliteration. Deal with it.

You remember how it was, right? Lots of laughs, inspiration and folks coming and going at all hours, The Ladies gathered at their table; Hist’mina Munchhausen Fibthorne – “Wheezy” to her friends, Maia Witless Artesian, Guerensy Rime Mooerson and Cheri Del’Usional Aprils. All chatting it up with the cafe owner, smiles, moues, coy glances and “What do you think of my stories?” “Can you help me with this sonnet?”

Who ever would have guessed that such ordinary looking grannies, could harbour thoughts worthy of “Arsenic and Old Lace”, not to mention a healthy dose of “Fatal Attraction?” Fitting analogy that. A tale of sinister plots, deceptive old dolls and a plot twist: married and attached gals who would lie, cheat and write their own men out of the script for a chance to get into the handsome Café owner’s pants.

I never would have guessed, naive I suppose. I saw a nice place to stop in to, my battered journals in hand and to share some thoughts with the regulars, The Ladies of the Banquette. Mentors, right? That’s what I was thinking at first.

Monsters, more like.

More like indeed! Like attracts like doesn’t it? As the Café grew in popularity, newcomers joined the original self-appointed harem.  Des DoubledipmyBunn and Anglésa BlueWindyChapeau decided to write themselves in. Fortunately, the Café owner was more a fan of Albert Camus than Archie comics.

Then there was me. Quietly observing, scribbling away as I always had . How could I know that the Café owner would take an interest in my stories? Who ever would have thought that this would so stir the ire of The Ladies and later, their minions? Not me. That’s for damn sure. I walked in there like a lamb to slaughter, they had their poisoned pens aimed and the hot flashes got hotter.

But that’s another story for another day…

~ kei
2013 sometime…

Advertisements

The 4 Most Common Narc-Sadistic Triangulation Tactics

I haven’t shared an NPD post in a while. I’m at a point where I don’t read any but the most informative and trusted people. I also avoid anyone who was involved as best I can.
I’ve referred to these people as “Apaths”, they are also known as “Flying Monkeys”, as they do the Narc’s dirty work. Bree’s article gives excellent examples of how the Narc brainwashes (triangulates) people into believing their lies and acting on them.
My former fiancé was a master at all four.
If any of the below sound familiar, you are likely dealing with a Narcissist and getting good information is essential. I can be reached through the “message me” tab , if you’d like links.

Free From Toxic

image There is already a lot of information about triangulation, one of the favorite manipulation tools used by narcissists and people who suffer from “cluster B” personality disorders. However, I think it’s important in any kind of relationship, that we learn to identify the early warning signs and red flags, when interacting with people who display narcissistic traits or sociopathy. This way we can better arm ourselves from being exploited and abused and make informed decisions about who we allow in our lives, as well as, set appropriate boundaries to avoid and protect us from being negatively impacted by these toxic interactions.

View original post 1,264 more words

Hello Missouri

Hello, hello

Welcome my dear

I’ve noticed you before

I know why you’re here

Peruse and digest

It’ll all become clear

Your intuition is correct

It’s what draws you near

You were mentioned to me

A whisper in my ear

You may find some answers

You’ve nothing to fear

So say hello Missouri

Let your vision be clear

It’s not what you want

Though it’s what you should hear

~ kei
15 December 2014

Proposal of Peter the Poetic Predator

Permit me a rant?
Seeing as I’ve pretty much outed myself and there are several here who know the score… Some witless fool, who should be shown what he thinks of her via his emails to me, is promoting the piece of excrement who ruined my life, on her public forum. Short of slapping her silly (which is frowned upon) I can only say this:

Who in their right mind insists on portraying a liar, a thief and a fraud;
As something wonderful, talented and deserving of laud?

Even with the truth right in front of their eyes
They insist on perpetuating more and more lies

How can you sleep at night, knowing you promote a liar
The evidence is everywhere, found by Professionals for hire

Who would be so callous, cruel and low to flaunt this monster?
Are you clueless or heartless, I really do wonder

~ kei
30 September 2014

Poetic Proposal 1

Poetic Proposal 2

Poetic Proposal 3

Why are Narcissists (Initially) so Popular?

Why indeed?

A Narcissist tells you exactly what you want to hear. The story they tell is uniquely tailored for each individual in their life, the goal being to get from you what THEY want.

The Narcissist in my life is “dead”. The quotation marks are because I learned that every single thing he said to me was a lie or a performance. Many worthy of an Academy Award. Pseudcide is not beyond his desire for laud at any cost or to escape any accountability for the damage he’s done.

Oddly, his fans still love him. It seems that death equates sainthood for a Narc, Hitler notwithstanding. They sing his praises on his “obituary” – the one that lists his wife’s death a year plus after he began his grooming and gaslighting (courtship and marriage proposal) of me and two years after supposedly becoming a widower – among many other inconsistencies. The strangest part is not even the obit itself but that the women leaving these comments were maligned and slandered by him to me throughout the “relationship” we had. The picture he painted of them and others, was both strange and horrific. I know now it was likely as false as what he said about me – and that had to be bad for these women to universally snub me and act like I didn’t exist, even over the period of time where I was “The fiancée”.

I wonder… Would you want to know what he really thought?

Would this seemingly charming, popular, successful (ha!) man have been so popular if even two of us had spoken with each other instead of believing the fabrications of a Narcissist? I know I was bullied and frightened into not contacting most of them. I bet “G” didn’t know that she was so consumed with jealousy and rage – because she was in love with ME – that he “watched her” to be sure she didn’t give a sign of leaving Vermont to come to my home and harm me. I bet she didn’t know how her actions (spurred by his stories to me) made this scenario look plausible. Or that “S” made herself such a nuisance, cruising past his home, “friending” his sister and children on Facebook, shadowing his daughter on campus that he had not one, not two but three sequential restraining orders against her. “R” would not be flattered to know the many names he had for her, gentlest being “fucking stalker”. Would his Father-In-Law be surprised to find out that he’s dead in “my” world? The tales go on…

Popular is so arbitrary. Driven by the basest of human emotions. To remain the centre of attention at all costs… What a sad and pathetic life. To destroy another human being’s life to sustain the charade you’ve woven and shore up your fantasies is sick and twisted and yet… his popularity goes on even in “death”.

I wonder… Do you want to know what he really thought and said about you? Or are the fallacies enough?

Why are Narcissists (Initially) so Popular? | Psychology Today.

Oh Hell Yeah I’ll Speak Ill

I am so angry that I could spit – so fucking angry…

How in the name of all things sane can that lying, whoring, filthy piece of shit have accrued so many wilfully blind fools?

All coming out to sing his praises just because he conveniently died and escaped having to face any accountability for his actions?

If he even had the decency to die. ‘Paths have been known to commit “Pseudocide”

He was a pathological liar of almost unreal dimensions. He is a fake, a phony and a complete and utter fraud. The one shred of dignity that I have is I left him.

Any idiot (of which I was one) can find this out with a simple Google Search and a little help from a P.I. Virtually, his entire life was a fabrication, embellished or tailored for every chick that came along. He could mouth and mimic, not feel.

I am not ranting about him. I know now what he is. I have proof and can happily supply it. I’m ranting about the people who think they were so damn special or deserving simply because he could slot them into his Google Hangout and Skype time.

He slept with me every night for almost two years and came to visit you while he called me his fiancée – the infamous black diamond engagement ring – and this is a sainted, troubled, pitiable man?  He wasn’t “troubled”.

This was a malicious, twisted, pathological Narcissist Predator.

I am so disgusted with Humanity, Women, Men and women in particular right now… No morals, no compassion, it doesn’t matter what I do, who cares who gets hurt as long as I get what I want. Don’t lets ask a question or try to get at a truth… Good God! That might spoil our little charades and delusions.

Fuck…

~ kei
8 June 2014

Why Do Narcissists Write Poetry?

Smeared!

Put Away Your Pompoms

A Letter to the Other Woman | Narcissist, Sociopath, and Psychopath Abuse Recovery

This is so perfectly, horrifyingly accurate. To me. it exemplifies the breakdown of “The Sisterhood” when we are so willing to believe that one man can have a string of crazy bitch Ex’s, while maintaining that he is a completely innocent victim.

Under normal circumstances, don’t we call that a Loser?

 

A Letter to the Other Woman | Narcissist, Sociopath, and Psychopath Abuse Recovery.