Why, Yes! Since You Asked

Something that I’ve noticed when well-intentioned friends and family offer to help “Spoonie” me:

Those offers are more appreciated than you know; the tricky part is the follow through.

I often hear “you never asked!” or “I didn’t know what you needed” or “Wish I could but that day doesn’t work”.

It totally changes the dynamic from someone understanding that you need assistance and making that happen and you being put in the position of asking a favour, two very different things.

Here’s the thing: as a formerly vivacious, uber-capable person, it kills me to ask for help. I never have, not from my parents, not from anyone. My self-esteem as a fully functioning adult is pretty beaten up already.

If you genuinely want to help, having a take charge attitude is incredibly helpful to someone like me. It shows me that you have the time and willingness. It tells me that I’m not cutting in to your personal or family time. It makes me feel that I still have value and am not burdening you.

There are so many things that you can do without being asked that improve quality of life for “Spoonies”:

Offer to help get garbage to the curb

Shovel out a walkway; lend your green thumb for some gardening

Drop off a casserole; send Skip the Dishes gift cards

Help with organizing files, cupboards, closets

Splurge on a house cleaning service gift card, it takes the embarrassment of an untidy out of the mix

Offer to help picking up groceries or shopping or send complimentary Uber / Lyft rides

Splurge on paraffin manicures or pedicures for friends with arthritis or fibro

Doing these things spontaneously, offering them at any time rather waiting to be asked is huge for me. A friend who also understands that sometimes shit just gotta get done and that every visit doesn’t need to be or should be a social event is golden. I want to see you, need to be connected to people who know who I was but every once in a while, if you could throw on a Super Hero cape, that’d be amaze-balls!

No one wants to feel indebted, least of all the people in your life who for whatever reason may not be able to reciprocate in kind. There are so many other things that I or we can still do to enhance or enrich friendships, all you need to do is be there and really mean it.

Xoxo, Karin

~ kei
29 October 2018

Lodestone

I wrap myself in a simple garment of cotton
One that holds in its threads the essence of you
Slipping in and out of my self and my soul
Catching stitches of the past and the present
Gently pulling my heart-strings closer together

Weaving what I once was into who I am now
Tiny healing stitches of you and me
What I am and who you see
Carried in each inhalation
Something both electrifying and benediction

Talisman or lodestone, I can’t be sure
Knowing only that mornings of late
I come awake more fully who I am
More completely my own woman
Wrapped in the scent of a man

~ kei
26 November 2016

Ruminating

You know…

It isn’t your feet of clay that depress me and have turned passion to pity

Not that at all, once beloved of my youth

Read this: my ironic smile

Not that at all

It is your icy heart

Your sedimentary soul

Your calcified mind

Mostly I mourn our friendship’s lost potential…

I mourn the rebuff wrapped in this abhorrently cheap suit of transparent macho immaturity you insist on wearing like an Armani suit

Your sadly archaic, Neanderthal and schoolboy-perception driven ego

That makes you think that you are above even the smallest of social courtesies

For fear that by those, I might find you enticing enough to pursue you

Sad little man

What did you do to the boy that I loved?

And no…

That question was not me flirting with you

~ kei
20 January 2016

Petites Pensées ~ Revenant

My day has been oddly off-kilter. A misty, otherworldly feeling since I woke this morning. So thrown off-balance by your appearance in my dreams. My subconscious must be more Welsh than the rest of me; it had to mine deep to find the image of you from then. There’s a lot that I would give to have the easy friendship, the smiles and intellectual banter that were conjured for me. The same that died the natural death of distance and years.

Even more do I wish that the warmth I felt suffuse every nerve and fibre when I looked into brown eyes that I once wished to drown in… could be a portent of what might come.

~ kei

5 January 2016

Blessed Yule

Another year is closing.

This will be a very different Yule for me. My Dad and my Grandmother are gone, one of my babies is on the west coast, thousands of miles away. There is a new baby in the family – my Nephew’s daughter, just two weeks old and that’s a blessing. She is a beautiful and poignant reminder of how our lives and family connections are all circular.

Wishing all of my friends here a wonderful holiday season. May your observances and celebrations reinforce all the ties that bind and may we all enjoy the gifts of peace, hope and love.

~ kei
21 December 21015

“Midnight Messenger” by Anne Stokes

OctPoWriMo 2015 ~ Cinquain V

Tiger

Your topaz eyes

Mesmerize and entice

Just like those of my Beloved

J’adore

~ kei
6 October 2015

Day six in the Cinquain form

~~~~~

See more at the link below:

October Poetry Writing Month

31 Days of Poetry, Blogging Challenge

OctPoWriMo 2015
Image by: Morgan Dragonwillow

OctPoWriMo 2015 ~ Deaf Ears

Whatever happened to the boys of my youth
Specifically you, if I’m telling the truth

I can accept the changes that Life and aging brings
Not so much the difference in fundamental things

From conversations that went well into the night
Sharing ideas and theories like a burning light

To a taciturn coldness and gruff demeanour
You wear ill manners just like it’s your armour

The hardest thing of all that I have to swallow
Is how the change in you leaves me feeling hollow

You inspired me to be the very best I can
Yet you’ve become a jaded, middle-aged man

Closed off by arrogance or misconception
Rebuffing friendship or the mildest affection

Once omnipotent in your positive influence on me
Now just impotent and cynical is all that I see

~ kei
5 October 2015

Go, if go you must.

Found on Internet, not credited

~~~~~

See more at the link below:

October Poetry Writing Month

31 Days of Poetry, Blogging Challenge

OctPoWriMo 2015
Image by: Morgan Dragonwillow

Petites Pensées ~ The 180

Rebuilding…

Is like moving mountains
Creating life, love, sanity, shelter anew
The hardest part for me

Is watching friends I’ve known my entire life
My haven, joy, support and champions
Those who were the foundation of my life

Walk away from me without a backward glance
As if I were no more important to them
Than a gas station clerk on the highway of their life

~ kei
18 August 2015

K-Town Time Machine

So… I was away from the screen this weekend and y’all have been VERY busy! I can’t even begin to try to catch up with reading everything. Please consider this a like of appreciation for all I missed. I’ll get to the emails for sure but am starting fresh today with all your posts.
Cheers All! ~ k

A perfect day, just you and me
Like when we were K-Town royalty

There’s nothing like a day with your Best Friend
Free of kids, boys, responsibilities
Just sunshine, cider, bicycles
The same paths from skipping Biology
Morphing back with every step
We’re still Kateri and Desirée

Laughing at everything
Especially YOU boys
Finding the old magic places
Stopping to pop open a cider
And toast in the old hollow
To dreams achieved, butts that are wider

We made it Girl, from teenage angst
All those crazy dreams and schemes
And we still rule these streets
Thumbing our noses at authority
“What they gonna do?”
We’re two cute, feisty old ladies

On a sweet summer Saturday
We are still K-Town’s royalty

~ kei
20 July 2015

BFF's ©Karin Bole Tupper

BFF’s
©Karin Bole Tupper