Why, Yes! Since You Asked

Something that I’ve noticed when well-intentioned friends and family offer to help “Spoonie” me:

Those offers are more appreciated than you know; the tricky part is the follow through.

I often hear “you never asked!” or “I didn’t know what you needed” or “Wish I could but that day doesn’t work”.

It totally changes the dynamic from someone understanding that you need assistance and making that happen and you being put in the position of asking a favour, two very different things.

Here’s the thing: as a formerly vivacious, uber-capable person, it kills me to ask for help. I never have, not from my parents, not from anyone. My self-esteem as a fully functioning adult is pretty beaten up already.

If you genuinely want to help, having a take charge attitude is incredibly helpful to someone like me. It shows me that you have the time and willingness. It tells me that I’m not cutting in to your personal or family time. It makes me feel that I still have value and am not burdening you.

There are so many things that you can do without being asked that improve quality of life for “Spoonies”:

Offer to help get garbage to the curb

Shovel out a walkway; lend your green thumb for some gardening

Drop off a casserole; send Skip the Dishes gift cards

Help with organizing files, cupboards, closets

Splurge on a house cleaning service gift card, it takes the embarrassment of an untidy out of the mix

Offer to help picking up groceries or shopping or send complimentary Uber / Lyft rides

Splurge on paraffin manicures or pedicures for friends with arthritis or fibro

Doing these things spontaneously, offering them at any time rather waiting to be asked is huge for me. A friend who also understands that sometimes shit just gotta get done and that every visit doesn’t need to be or should be a social event is golden. I want to see you, need to be connected to people who know who I was but every once in a while, if you could throw on a Super Hero cape, that’d be amaze-balls!

No one wants to feel indebted, least of all the people in your life who for whatever reason may not be able to reciprocate in kind. There are so many other things that I or we can still do to enhance or enrich friendships, all you need to do is be there and really mean it.

Xoxo, Karin

~ kei
29 October 2018

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Lodestone

I wrap myself in a simple garment of cotton
One that holds in its threads the essence of you
Slipping in and out of my self and my soul
Catching stitches of the past and the present
Gently pulling my heart-strings closer together

Weaving what I once was into who I am now
Tiny healing stitches of you and me
What I am and who you see
Carried in each inhalation
Something both electrifying and benediction

Talisman or lodestone, I can’t be sure
Knowing only that mornings of late
I come awake more fully who I am
More completely my own woman
Wrapped in the scent of a man

~ kei
26 November 2016

Ruminating

You know…

It isn’t your feet of clay that depress me and have turned passion to pity

Not that at all, once beloved of my youth

Read this: my ironic smile

Not that at all

It is your icy heart

Your sedimentary soul

Your calcified mind

Mostly I mourn our friendship’s lost potential…

I mourn the rebuff wrapped in this abhorrently cheap suit of transparent macho immaturity you insist on wearing like an Armani suit

Your sadly archaic, Neanderthal and schoolboy-perception driven ego

That makes you think that you are above even the smallest of social courtesies

For fear that by those, I might find you enticing enough to pursue you

Sad little man

What did you do to the boy that I loved?

And no…

That question was not me flirting with you

~ kei
20 January 2016

Petites Pensées ~ Revenant

My day has been oddly off-kilter. A misty, otherworldly feeling since I woke this morning. So thrown off-balance by your appearance in my dreams. My subconscious must be more Welsh than the rest of me; it had to mine deep to find the image of you from then. There’s a lot that I would give to have the easy friendship, the smiles and intellectual banter that were conjured for me. The same that died the natural death of distance and years.

Even more do I wish that the warmth I felt suffuse every nerve and fibre when I looked into brown eyes that I once wished to drown in… could be a portent of what might come.

~ kei

5 January 2016

Blessed Yule

Another year is closing.

This will be a very different Yule for me. My Dad and my Grandmother are gone, one of my babies is on the west coast, thousands of miles away. There is a new baby in the family – my Nephew’s daughter, just two weeks old and that’s a blessing. She is a beautiful and poignant reminder of how our lives and family connections are all circular.

Wishing all of my friends here a wonderful holiday season. May your observances and celebrations reinforce all the ties that bind and may we all enjoy the gifts of peace, hope and love.

~ kei
21 December 21015

“Midnight Messenger” by Anne Stokes

OctPoWriMo 2015 ~ Cinquain V

Tiger

Your topaz eyes

Mesmerize and entice

Just like those of my Beloved

J’adore

~ kei
6 October 2015

Day six in the Cinquain form

~~~~~

See more at the link below:

October Poetry Writing Month

31 Days of Poetry, Blogging Challenge

OctPoWriMo 2015
Image by: Morgan Dragonwillow