What I Said

This man has elected to be verbally abusive with me because I disagree with his opinion.

Not only can he not just stand down and respect the fact that this is my blog, my opinion and my choice; he feels the need to make things personal.

I suggest that regardless of your view of the USA elections, you may wish to unfollow a person who feels justified in abusing someone who doesn’t allow their own blog to be used as a political grand stand.

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Oh! And ETA: Still won’t back off with the name calling. There are children with better manners and self-control.

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First words to me, a complete stranger:

“Then she’s an arrogant ignorant as well.”

Nope. Nothing inflammatory there. <heavy irony>

My Big Fat Reblog

Well, share actually. To keep my post size manageable here and in the feed, I’ve linked rather than reblog.

Kendall F. Person of The Neighbourhood on WP, just wrapped up a three-part series on gossip. It was done in a story format and is incredibly powerful, delving into the motivations of the person who initiates the gossip and blowing up the general attitude that repeating misinformation is harmless.

Y’all have probably seen my shorts, poems and rants about gossip. It’s hard to be completely objective when one has been and continues to be, targeted by a gossip. Kendall’s pieces bring home the point so much better. I hope you’ll take the time to read each of his and perhaps mine too. It is subjective but factual. Gossip hurts.

I’m listing them in link format below and the last link is to an old piece of mine that retells and old Jewish parable about the consequence and effect of malicious words and as I like to refer to gossip, ‘sanctioned slander’.

Comments are welcome on this piece in particular and note that it falls under my writing about Narcissism. Gossip is one of the power tools in the Narc’s tool kit and they use it and their cronies to start it and spread it.

Ask good questions. Start with ‘why is this person telling this?’

~ kei
3 December 2015

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Gossip Part One

Gossip Part Two

Gossip Part Three

Words, Feathers, Rabbis and Letters

I Shouldn’t Give A Shit

… but I do

Maybe because I’m a First born, we are known for our innate need for Justice, for fairness, for “Even Stephens”. Or maybe it’s because I’m a Dual Capricorn. It could be my Legal background or because I’m a Mum. At any rate, recovery from an abusive situation hasn’t lessened my ability to read the signs.

I’ll call it for being descended from Cerridwen and Tailesin, for being a daughter of Glooscap. Certainly, it doesn’t take degrees or Mensa to read a shift in the wind or more aptly, a Klimt on acid-like arrangement of binary code.

Are you with me?

Hell. Even I have trouble keeping up to my ADD / OCD thoughts once they’ve been stirred in that old and horrifyingly familiar way. He used to have me up at all hours of the night – his favourite torture – doing Internet recon missions for his real paranoia and his self-constructed “evidence”.

I feel like that right now.

Watching the same old patterns. The same old everything, regardless to who I am or what I do. The patterns repeat because people don’t change, especially those with something to hide or something to lose.

Slander is a prosecutable offence.

Sometimes I wish I was an American with that penchant for suing. It’s not like I don’t have enough evidence. I simply don’t have the cycles to sue people who are pathetic. They have to live in their skin. That’s punishment enough.

I content myself with the knowledge that Police files and my friends and family, those who were there, who saw, heard, interfaced with… and eventually saved my life; know the truth. It does hurt at times though, especially when another cycle of this all-too-visible bullying begins.

I will never understand how people can spend hours, days, weeks – talking to people, talking to experts, reading – about how to buy a fucking cellphone but when it comes to something as important as the character and reputation of another human being…

All it takes is one slanderous voice – one sad, pathetic voice – whispering complete and utter lies and you won’t raise one fucking question (start with “Who the hell would do that??!”) or one fucking finger to check the source.

Still with me? Probably not. Whatever. Half this shit never gets read anyway.

I’m sick of slander, I’m sick of lies. I’m sick of two-faced friends, I’m sick of it all. Like I said, you don’t need to be a psychic to read patterns of behaviour. So if all it takes for you to walk away from me, is the equivalent of one GT Boutique flyer’s worth of info to my Library of Alexandria’s worth… than by all means, please fuck the hell off and go hang out with the other God-spouting, deluded, morons.

I’m done.

~ kei
16 September 2015

Words, Feathers, Rabbis and Letters

I saw and read several posts about words yesterday. I’d ventured into my Reader for the first time in months – unfortunately, just being on the Internet and WordPress in particular can still trigger me; PTSD is a lingering effect of the NPD that I was subjected to. I figure it’s better to avoid it until I feel strong and not to be a hypocrite, peering through one eye, grimacing as I hurriedly scroll through clicking an arms length “like” willy nilly to satisfy my perception that people won’t like me / will think I’m snooty, blah blah; if I don’t come by regularly. That said, I sometimes still do EXACTLY that.

Words, writing, poetry… are on my mind a lot these days and kept me up most the night last night. Yesterday was a consult for the rejigging of the cover art for my new book. The backstory behind that can be funny, sordid, embarrassing and sad by turns. I’m reclaiming this bit of myself so that at least the story – the words – that go with it will be framed in a way I can live with. A way that reflects the truth and I will tell the story  here when the release date comes up, even the embarrassing bits!

So it is that words are heavy on my mind.

Most of you who visit know a little about me. None of you know all of me. I try to give a picture of myself through my words. In the early days of this blog, I eschewed the use of graphics because I wanted people to read my words – my words – not the feeling that someone else’s art conveyed.

I like to think I’m articulate and can communicate clearly in conversation, poetry even in the technical documents that I’ve written. If you asked people on the 3D side of the screen here, they’d likely tell you I’m a bit of a whiz with words – thanks Mum and Dad!

I really hate that somewhere along the line, my words have got lost. I feel as though I’ve become nothing more than a side door peep show in the circus of the Internet and I hate even more that I can attribute that feeling to someone else’s words. I know that gossip is a hot commodity and I know that WordPress is as much a popularity contest as two-year olds in tiaras but… I never dreamed it would taint my life and my words the way that it has.

Like any writer, I like to see people come and read, I thrive on it in fact. Humans need validation and kind words and comments tell me that I’ve said something that people can connect to. I look at my stats, I know you do too (don’t say you don’t!) and I find it horribly disheartening to see they frequently have bloomed in direct relation to words about me. Intellectually, I understand that when a person plants seeds of doubt or outright lies about you in a public space, there will be a lot of negative attention generated. I know for a fact by stats and investigations that this happened to me. Intellect be damned! That hurts my feelings.

I know the words that were spoken. I’ve heard them direct from source. I have been hurt by the perpetuation of lies. I did think though, that at least if folks were going to come for the perceived train wreck, they’d see my words. I hoped they’d see me as a person through my words. Clearly, if you can read one person and believe what they say, you can do same with another? That is what I believed. Just words after all… So much damage from such small things.

Sadly, I’ve learned it’s not true. My life continues to be a peep show for some. The old hangers-on, the new online dalliances… The temptation to post “move along, there’s nothing to see here”, often wants to fly off my angry fingertips.

Then I remember why I’m here.

I have words.

I have beautiful words to share. I have a wealth of life and love and learning experience that I believe has value and that I wish to share. There are people here who look past the gossip, who have open minds and see the big picture, in my words.

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One of my favourite parables is about a wife who is gossiping about another woman in town. Her Rabbi hears about it and visits her, bringing with him a feather pillow.

He doesn’t mention the gossip but instead instructs her to go to the top of the hill outside town on the next windy day. She is to tear open the pillow and shake out the feathers. On her way home, she is to pick up every single feather that has been released. On the day she performs this task, the Rabbi meets her as she is coming back into town. The woman is very upset, “Rabbi, this is an impossible task, how can I possibly gather up all the feathers? They have blown and spread so far!” The Rabbi nods and says “Yes, and that is why it’s important to not talk about others. Words once loosed, cannot be taken back.”

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Don’t let your words be weapons. Don’t believe everything you hear. Don’t perpetuate rumours.
We were given the gift of speech. I think it behooves us to use it to communicate WITH each other and not ABOUT each other. How else do we instruct our children? At the end of the day, mine look at me with respect and they’ve walked this gauntlet with me.
I am just an ordinary human being, this is not my circus and definitely not my monkey. Though I’m always happy to speak with a fellow tightrope walker.

Blessed be.

~ kei
23 August 2014

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The group dynamic that keeps the slander of a Narcissist alive is explained well in this piece: Narcissistic Group Dynamics

It is CRITICAL to check facts and sources – including humans – before acting upon or repeating what they say.