Let’s Talk ~ The Morning After

I support this initiative to shine a light and to generate funds that are for: “Fighting the stigma, improving access to care, supporting world-class research and leading by example in workplace mental health.”

Five years ago, I was literally brought to my knees by events in my life that escalated my Depression and Anxiety to a level beyond my ability to cope. How humbling for someone who has always considered herself and been considered “the strong one”.

I have never spoken about this at any length to anyone other than my best friend, who’s intervention saved my life.  In fact, for the first two years, I did everything to hide my struggle but it’s time for any and all mental health challenges to come out of the closet.

This year, I had the courage of my convictions and my diagnosis, adding the Bell “Let’s Talk” frame to my profile photo on Social Media. I meant what I said. I will listen. How disappointing then, to see the number of short-sighted and erroneous comments made by many people, “Scam” being among the most prevalent. Let’s start with this:

  • Scam 
    skam/
    noun informal
    1.
    a dishonest scheme; a fraud.
    “an insurance scam”
    synonyms:
    fraud, swindle, fraudulent scheme, racket, trick; More 
     
    verb
    1.
    swindle.
    “a guy that scams the elderly out of their savings”
    synonyms:
    swindle, cheat, deceive, trick, dupe, hoodwink, double-cross, gull

Now, here is a link to the results of this initiative:

Clearly; not a scam by any stretch of a narrow mind. See the entire initiative at this website:

Someone needs to explain to me the hostility and spreading of misinformation that this particular campaign engendered. There are many fundraisers out there that benefit the sponsor as much and sometimes more than the cause. The annual CHEO, Heart & Stroke and Dream Of A Lifetime are some that are better known. Why the backlash against Bell? Is it because their marketing team scored big with harnessing the power of social media and is highly visible? Shouldn’t that be the point – especially for the historical stigma that is attached to Mental Illness?

Social Media works. In generation “Click and Care”, to which the vast majority of us belong; this is a brilliant strategy. At the end of the day, 31 January 2018, more people became aware, more funds were donated and yes, Bell may even have scored a handful of new customers. Tell me how this could possibly be a bad thing.

To the linear thinkers who were so eager to jump on an idealist bandwagon – do your research before making such blinkered comments. This campaign is far larger than Ma Bell and if you can’t see that, you need to reexamine your compassion. To the folks out there who say “why doesn’t Bell just donate a large sum of money…” you missed the point. For those individuals with a large audience of people who are inclined to agree because they think a “popular” person must be right, you missed an opportunity.

Let’s talk.
~ kei
1 February 2018
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My Big Fat Reblog

Well, share actually. To keep my post size manageable here and in the feed, I’ve linked rather than reblog.

Kendall F. Person of The Neighbourhood on WP, just wrapped up a three-part series on gossip. It was done in a story format and is incredibly powerful, delving into the motivations of the person who initiates the gossip and blowing up the general attitude that repeating misinformation is harmless.

Y’all have probably seen my shorts, poems and rants about gossip. It’s hard to be completely objective when one has been and continues to be, targeted by a gossip. Kendall’s pieces bring home the point so much better. I hope you’ll take the time to read each of his and perhaps mine too. It is subjective but factual. Gossip hurts.

I’m listing them in link format below and the last link is to an old piece of mine that retells and old Jewish parable about the consequence and effect of malicious words and as I like to refer to gossip, ‘sanctioned slander’.

Comments are welcome on this piece in particular and note that it falls under my writing about Narcissism. Gossip is one of the power tools in the Narc’s tool kit and they use it and their cronies to start it and spread it.

Ask good questions. Start with ‘why is this person telling this?’

~ kei
3 December 2015

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Gossip Part One

Gossip Part Two

Gossip Part Three

Words, Feathers, Rabbis and Letters

The Blogger Interview Tag

A heartfelt thanks to my friend The P&TheG over at The Lightening and The Fire for nominating me for The Blogger Interview. I don’t normally do these but I’m honoured he included me in the wonderful company he did so, here goes.

Here are the rules:

* Mention the person who tagged you
* Answer the questions in full
* Don’t forget to tag up to ten other bloggers at the end

Here are the questions:

How did you get into blogging?
You wouldn’t believe the truth! It’s a Sci-Fi opus on LSD! 🙂 So, the semi-truth is, I was encouraged to start a blog here to expand my writing contacts and to promote some books among a community that was focussed on poetry and writing (unlike Facebook). I’d been writing since childhood and had a blog with a very different content focus in the CSS & HTML days, so poetry blogging was like coming home and landing on Mars all at once!

What advice would you give to a blogger just starting out?
You have to write from your heart, there are like-minded people out there waiting to hear your voice. Don’t get bogged down in the cliques, critiques and craziness that is prevalent in the blog world. Write hard and true about what matters to you. Be true to your ideals in your writing and how you support others in the community. There are wonderful souls here and there are soul-sucking asshats. Ignore the asshats – picture them in their underwear on the can and having to use SpellCheck 🙂

What would be your dream campaign?
There are so many that speak to me! I’m involved in the 3D world and if I had to pick, I’d like to see Dementia / Alzheimer’s as well as the autoimmune disease M.E. (which I have) getting some research, dollar and awareness loves.

Do you have a plan for your blog
To keep on going as long as it nurtures me. There’ve been moments that I wanted to walk away but as I find a core of true friends here, it makes the staying much easier. I’m trying new things, following new people and hope to continue to inspire and be inspired.

What do you think about rankings?
I think they’re utterly meaningless and I never – for realz –  check them. I love to see that little gold “+” but I’d rather have ten people who are sincere in their opinion of me and my writing than a bunch of folks who don’t even read what I post.

I would love to nominate a few friends, old and new, that keep me smiling and inspired. Always optional guys, feel free to participate or pass:

Seeing The Whisper

Perso-In-Poesia

 You Must Suffer Me To Go My Own Dark Way

The Muscleheaded Blog

This Knitted Life

Southside of Heaven (Ádhamh, I know you can’t, had to include you!)

Orange Smoothie Knits

Siren Song

Homophobia Sneaks in Everywhere: From Mississippi to Oregon

I’m a reblogging fool today and because the messages I’m sharing are so important to get out there. Please take a moment to read. ~ kei

Social Justice For All

LGBT Folk Not Welcome LGBT Folk Not Welcome

I could feel my heart being crushed at the news that the Republican Governor of Mississippi, Phil Bryant, signed a bill on Friday that makes it legal to discriminate against people in the LGBT community.  While not surprising coming from Mississippi, it is nonetheless disappointing. Not the first and probably not the last time the state of Mississippi is on the wrong side of history–this is not a state known for equity and equality.

Sadly, closer to home, I realize that the purported progressive Portland, Oregon hosts many homophobes as well. Last week, it came to light that the owner of The Moreland Farmers Pantry, in Sellwood, a Portland neighborhood, spewed her homophobic views. Owner Chauncy Childs posted this on her Facebook page about gays and same-sex marriage: “…a tiny minority is dictating a change of our social structure.”  I guess a population wanting equality and equity needs to be…

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I’m a Stalker, You’re a Stalker, They’re a Stalker Too

This post needed a little levity, the better to make the point so, sing the title along to the tune, which actually did occur to me as I was trying to think of a catchy yet related post title.

Note the people following the attractive Song and Dance Man (David McNaughton – American Werewolf In London). That was a happy accident. Not only because I’d never seen these commercials before, only heard the jingle but also because Narcissists often present as charming, charismatic and good-looking. They can work a crowd!

Narcissists thrive on secrecy and smearing. These are the tools they use to create, manipulate and maintain their environment and deceptions. If you are being asked to keep secrets, watch someone’s back or to avoid a complete stranger by a new friend or acquaintance in your real or online life; this should raise huge red flags. Secrecy (blocking on social media is just one tool) and cloak and dagger games, heighten the urgency and create a feeling of inclusion in a “magic circle” for the people surrounding the Narcissist. They are more likely to unwittingly play into his (sometimes) illegal activities. In RL, it’s hard to imagine people leaving common sense behind. Would you actually “look out for” a complete stranger? Would you peek into the windows of other people simply because someone asked you to? Highly unlikely. In real life, there would be restraining orders, there would be proof required, However, on the internet and especially when we are in communities of like-minded people, many folks do just that without pausing to say to themselves “What gives?”

In other words: Where have all my colleagues (friends, family) gone? To the tune of “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

Ask good questions. Benefit of doubt should always be given. Research should always be done. Finding yourself in a position that is akin to accessory to a crime is not where you want to be. A good one to ask yourself is “Why am I hearing all these dreadful stories about someone I don’t know from a cat-herder?” and “Why is a total stranger confiding and conveying this information to me?” Individuals with NPD thrive on secrecy, they maintain it by covering the tracks of their behaviour. They do it by smearing the reputation of people from their previous version of themselves, isolating former friends, lovers, spouses, simply by painting them in an unfavourable light. “Oh, don’t talk to them, they’re crazy. He’s been stalking me all over the internet. She’s parked at the end of my street every night.” If something sounds fishy, juvenile or overly dramatic, be alert. In RL, normal adults should neither enable nor participate in this behaviour.  Ask your new friend to supply evidence.. If it isn’t forthcoming, be brave, be bold – go to the suspected threat. They won’t be hard to find, they have a starring role in the Narcissist’s tales and you may be surprised what a simple Google search may yield.

  There are always two sides to a story.

~ kei
17 March 2014

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder

NPD is a very real personality disorder. It isn’t “just” vanity, big ego or benign delusions that can be fixed by a partner or spouse. It is highly destructive and cannot be changed, regardless of anything you do. I was not aware of the difference, in fact, had no idea that NPD existed. Discovering this, putting a name to it, having a frame of reference for the actions and most importantly, knowing that NPD has a predatory aspect, has turned on a light in my life.
This blog has a wealth of information and resources: Let Me Reach on WordPress
Please visit, read and educate yourself, particularly if you are a woman who is wondering every day “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? How can I change to be better for him?” Read and discuss for our daughters’ sake. This information isn’t widely known and it must be shared.
These people are out there. They walk and talk just like us, on the surface and they may present in a very pretty package but they are not what they seem. Learn the signs and markers.

Why Does a Narcissist Write Poetry?

Why Does a Narcissist Write Poetry?.

Fair question. The answer is addressed at the website of Dr. Sam Vaknin, an expert in the field of Narcissist Personality Disorder.

You can find the full text in his book: Malignant Self Love

 “He writes such beautiful words of love, how can he be a Narcissist?” Narcissists are not capable of love in the same way normal humans are, they are however, expert chameleons. Parrots can mimic human speech. Predators can research what words humans respond to.

~~~~~~~~~~

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

NPD is a very real personality disorder. It isn’t “just” vanity, big ego or benign delusions that can be fixed by a partner or spouse. It is highly destructive and cannot be changed, regardless of anything you do. I was not aware of the difference, in fact, had no idea that NPD existed. Discovering this, putting a name to it, having a frame of reference for the actions and most importantly, knowing that NPD has a predatory aspect, has turned on a light in my life.
This blog has a wealth of information and resources: Let Me Reach on WordPress
Please visit, read and educate yourself, particularly if you are a woman who is wondering every day “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? How can I change to be better for him?” Read and discuss for our daughters’ sake. This information isn’t widely known and it must be shared.
These people are out there. They walk and talk just like us, on the surface and they may present in a very pretty package but they are not what they seem. Learn the signs and markers.