Old Soldiers And Fallen Angels

I’m Canadian and observe Remembrance Day on November 11 each year. I was engaged to an American who served and I had got in the habit of posting my personal observances on Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day. This 25th of May will mark the one year interval since his death and my former wedding anniversary… lots of memories. So, one last time.

Once upon a time, I loved a soldier…

His topaz eyes turned to me, dusty
In the middle of the blazing desert
Pleading for the coolness
Of the rain I couldn’t make fall
Onto the furnace raging in his soul
And all around him
While the bombs fell and ghosts disguised
As comrades lay down in the burning sand
With all his hopes and dreams
And I felt his hold slipping, losing grip
From a thousand miles away
Felt his sanity slip… Calling me
Over the sound of a world exploding
I could taste copper in my mouth
And the blood in my eyes obscured
The river where we had lain so long ago
The green grass under my naked back
His hips held tight entwined in my thighs
Those eyes and blue skies
Helicopter rotor, bombs, mortars
I felt him slip away from me and into
The lying arms of baked, sere ground
The ringing in my ears was a dirge
Moaning my name and I came
To cover his body with green
With my riverbanks and oceans
And dreams of what we should have been
I have sung him home to my arms
To hold him here in the last breath
Of these old and aching lungs
And I will happily relinquish this breath
To hold his hand again, to run
To jump into the cold water
Hold his perfect body close to mine
Just one more time
On riverbanks of green

© Karin Bole Tupper
23 November 2012

pf beret flash bad boy smoking 2013

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Old Soldiers And Fallen Angels

Once upon a time, I loved a soldier…

His topaz eyes turned to me, dusty
In the middle of the blazing desert
Pleading for the coolness
Of the rain I couldn’t make fall
Onto the furnace raging in his soul
And all around him
While the bombs fell and ghosts disguised
As comrades lay down in the burning sand
With all his hopes and dreams
And I felt his hold slipping, losing grip
From a thousand miles away
Felt his sanity slip… Calling me
Over the sound of a world exploding
I could taste copper in my mouth
And the blood in my eyes obscured
The river where we had lain so long ago
The green grass under my naked back
His hips held tight entwined in my thighs
Those eyes and blue skies
Helicopter rotor, bombs, mortars
I felt him slip away from me and into
The lying arms of baked, sere ground
The ringing in my ears was a dirge
Moaning my name and I came
To cover his body with green
With my riverbanks and oceans
And dreams of what we should have been
I have sung him home to my arms
To hold him here in the last breath
Of these old and aching lungs
And I will happily relinquish this breath
To hold his hand again, to run
To jump into the cold water
Hold his perfect body close to mine
Just one more time
On riverbanks of green

© Karin E. Tupper
23 November 2012

Field Of Love

Stand Down

Once upon a time, I loved a soldier…

Every welcome home that I never had the chance to give
Thunders through my veins like a locomotive, runaway train
Countdown… the last twenty-four hours
Sleepwalking through routines, realities, responsibilities
Dealt with, done and now waiting
Untouched by the here and now anymore
A body that moves from room to room on puppet strings
Of adrenaline that is becoming dangerous in lack of release
A mirror that no longer holds my reflection, only my memory
Of his face, those dark eyes that said a hundred I love you’s
And a thousand goodbyes
And my body is a spring, stretched tight and humming
Like a telephone wire, downed in a storm and thrumming
Booted footsteps that sound my heartbeat on the walkway
Beloved outline that fills my door frame and my heart stops
Time stretches and bends with my state of mind, you know the one
The one that collides with the look of love, loss, weariness and… hope
Playing over his face, hiding in the shadows of his eyes
The hesitancy that roots his feet to floor, undoes my heart and soul
Fall into my arms, fall… Fall out over this space that separates us
Drop your bag on the floor, step into my arms, speak no words to me
I don’t need pretty words or soft caresses – take these off, take this off!
Leave all doubts at the door, hold my hand, come with me…
And I cannot wait, I fall and the stairs tattoo themselves into my spine
Give me back my love, I saved him here in my heart, my body, my soul
I take you in, I am your one true skin and I give yourself back again…

(c) KeiB 16 March 2012

Sex On The Stairs

A Letter Found II

Liam Honey,

It’s important that you know that your Daddy and I loved each other very much. I ‘m sure you feel that, even though you don’t get to see him very often. The things that happened to separate us just happened. Not everyone has a faerytale in their life. Or a miracle. You look so much like him. How did you so get so much taller than your Mum, eh?
I hope you’re having fun with Grandma, I am getting better. A little stronger everyday and I can’t wait until you’re back home here with me.

Love, Giju’

~~~

I guess I won’t be able to share all of this journal with him… I can’t believe how much I didn’t say in these pages… thank god for my memories… Thank god for my boy child… We made something beautiful Broken Boy Soldier…

~~~

I wore the purple dress that I know he likes, the same one that I wore just a few months ago. I put on my jean jacket and mukluks too, he calls me his Kateri Two Worlds. The first time he did, I thought he was teasing me. It’s taken me awhile to get his humour… He kind of reminds me of Judd Nelson sometimes. When he played in that breakfast movie… They’re the same sort of, cute and like, a bad boy with a heart of gold, but E is… God, he’s beautiful.  Like Adam Beach or Cody Jones. And tall! He makes me feel like a tiny faery :)))

I went with Jonny and I’m not so sure that was a good idea. I have a feeling that she is friggin’ crazy about Whiskey and I know that there is a Ms. Machine south of the border. Eric said she can drink almost as much of that stuff as W does! God, I’d barf! … Anyway-y-y, I didn’t say anything about it. Jonny doesn’t hassle me about this thing with E, other than that last time. She told me he’s going to break my heart and… I think I know that’s true.

So we got across no problem, now that I’m legal it’s easier. I’m pretty sure my Mum won’t be too impressed that Daddy let me take off for the weekend but then, from the family legends I’ve heard, Daddy and E were a lot alike. Besides, it’s not like they haven’t met him. We’ve been coming here every summer for years now. All he said when we’d finished packing up her car and we were heading out was, “You two behave and look after each other. Call me from the camp office so I know you’re there safe.” He hugged us both real tight, that’s my Dad’s version of “I love you.”

We headed out, with the tunes cranked… I can’t wait to see him again. He makes me feel like I’ve swallowed lightning and that kiss… that kiss, it was a good thing he was holding on so tight, my knees gave… it was like being drunk on the taste of him… and when I pulled his shirt out of his jeans, his skin… warm, so soft, the muscle in his back, hard under my palms, I can still taste him and I don’t care if this is crazy… I can’t write more, it was so beautiful, so perfect… Shit! My Mum is ragging again… I swear she had me just so someone else would do the dishes! Crap

~ kei
18 December 2013

To Be Continued

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A Letter Found

Dear Liam,

You asked me to tell you about your Dad and I think now that you are fifteen, maybe I can tell you a little. If it’s okay with you, I’m going to copy my journal into this letter, it’ll be easier for me. It was long ago but still makes me cry and I don’t want you to be upset by your Giju”s tears… We can talk about it when you get home from your Grandma’s.

Love, Mum

~~~

The last time I saw Broken Boy Soldier, he was still Eric.

He had driven up to the campground where we’d met for so many summers, with our families. He came with the boy who would soon be known as “Husband”.
Mine.

He already looked different. We were sitting side by side on a picnic table, looking out across the great lake. The one that we’d joked wasn’t a well guarded enough border to keep us apart. I stole a glance at him in the fast approaching twilight. The glossy black curls that had rested on the collar of his leather jacket were gone, his hair was so short, it almost looked painful. His ears looked pale compared to the summer tan that still coloured his face and neck. I wanted to kiss them…

~ kei

4 December 2013

To Be Continued…

 

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