Let’s Talk ~ The Morning After

I support this initiative to shine a light and to generate funds that are for: “Fighting the stigma, improving access to care, supporting world-class research and leading by example in workplace mental health.”

Five years ago, I was literally brought to my knees by events in my life that escalated my Depression and Anxiety to a level beyond my ability to cope. How humbling for someone who has always considered herself and been considered “the strong one”.

I have never spoken about this at any length to anyone other than my best friend, who’s intervention saved my life.  In fact, for the first two years, I did everything to hide my struggle but it’s time for any and all mental health challenges to come out of the closet.

This year, I had the courage of my convictions and my diagnosis, adding the Bell “Let’s Talk” frame to my profile photo on Social Media. I meant what I said. I will listen. How disappointing then, to see the number of short-sighted and erroneous comments made by many people, “Scam” being among the most prevalent. Let’s start with this:

  • Scam 
    skam/
    noun informal
    1.
    a dishonest scheme; a fraud.
    “an insurance scam”
    synonyms:
    fraud, swindle, fraudulent scheme, racket, trick; More 
     
    verb
    1.
    swindle.
    “a guy that scams the elderly out of their savings”
    synonyms:
    swindle, cheat, deceive, trick, dupe, hoodwink, double-cross, gull

Now, here is a link to the results of this initiative:

Clearly; not a scam by any stretch of a narrow mind. See the entire initiative at this website:

Someone needs to explain to me the hostility and spreading of misinformation that this particular campaign engendered. There are many fundraisers out there that benefit the sponsor as much and sometimes more than the cause. The annual CHEO, Heart & Stroke and Dream Of A Lifetime are some that are better known. Why the backlash against Bell? Is it because their marketing team scored big with harnessing the power of social media and is highly visible? Shouldn’t that be the point – especially for the historical stigma that is attached to Mental Illness?

Social Media works. In generation “Click and Care”, to which the vast majority of us belong; this is a brilliant strategy. At the end of the day, 31 January 2018, more people became aware, more funds were donated and yes, Bell may even have scored a handful of new customers. Tell me how this could possibly be a bad thing.

To the linear thinkers who were so eager to jump on an idealist bandwagon – do your research before making such blinkered comments. This campaign is far larger than Ma Bell and if you can’t see that, you need to reexamine your compassion. To the folks out there who say “why doesn’t Bell just donate a large sum of money…” you missed the point. For those individuals with a large audience of people who are inclined to agree because they think a “popular” person must be right, you missed an opportunity.

Let’s talk.
~ kei
1 February 2018
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Petites Pensées

I think I understand now what was going on in my head…

Love to me, was always boundless, unfettered. A joyous blending of two.
No need to hold back…

Having been caged, kept a secret and shamed. Nothing sacred, no boundaries.
For the crime of loving unstintingly…

I understand now, love must have boundaries. Clearly defined trust, respect, fidelity and faith.
For the reward of loving in mutual regard…

~ kei
26 April 2014

Gaslighter ~ Acrostic IV

NaPoWriMo Blog Button

 

 

 

Gaslighter

Greasepaint of a different hue
All about him and not about you
Slip into character ready or not
Living all the twists in his devious plot
Into his self-aggrandizing script you’ll be written
Gasping as his rewrites leave your head spinning
Has he made you the star of this little show
There are more special effects than you could know
Extras on his casting couch abound
Replacing you in an instant for his next go round

~ kei
5 April 2014

Paula Alquist Anton: If I were not mad, I could have helped you. Whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I'm mad, I'm rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!

The term “Gaslighting” stems from the use of them as a weapon in this old MGM classic film noir.

Definition of Acrostic form sourced from: Shadow Poetry:

“Acrostic Poetry is where the first letter of each line spells a word, usually using the same words as in the title.”

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder

NPD is a very real personality disorder. It isn’t “just” vanity, big ego or benign delusions that can be fixed by a partner or spouse. It is highly destructive and cannot be changed, regardless of anything you do. I was not aware of the difference, in fact, had no idea that NPD existed. Discovering this, putting a name to it, having a frame of reference for the actions and most importantly, knowing that NPD has a predatory aspect, has turned on a light in my life.
This blog has a wealth of information and resources: Let Me Reach on WordPress
Please visit, read and educate yourself, particularly if you are a woman who is wondering every day “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? How can I change to be better for him?” Read and discuss for our son’s and daughters’ sake. This information isn’t widely known and it must be shared.
These people are out there. They walk and talk just like us, on the surface and they may present in a very pretty package but they are not what they seem. Learn the signs and markers.

*Duly noted that there are male and female Narcissists. I am writing about my experience, not in generalities.*

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NaPoWriMo

National Poetry Writing Month

See more at the link above.

I’m a Stalker, You’re a Stalker, They’re a Stalker Too

This post needed a little levity, the better to make the point so, sing the title along to the tune, which actually did occur to me as I was trying to think of a catchy yet related post title.

Note the people following the attractive Song and Dance Man (David McNaughton – American Werewolf In London). That was a happy accident. Not only because I’d never seen these commercials before, only heard the jingle but also because Narcissists often present as charming, charismatic and good-looking. They can work a crowd!

Narcissists thrive on secrecy and smearing. These are the tools they use to create, manipulate and maintain their environment and deceptions. If you are being asked to keep secrets, watch someone’s back or to avoid a complete stranger by a new friend or acquaintance in your real or online life; this should raise huge red flags. Secrecy (blocking on social media is just one tool) and cloak and dagger games, heighten the urgency and create a feeling of inclusion in a “magic circle” for the people surrounding the Narcissist. They are more likely to unwittingly play into his (sometimes) illegal activities. In RL, it’s hard to imagine people leaving common sense behind. Would you actually “look out for” a complete stranger? Would you peek into the windows of other people simply because someone asked you to? Highly unlikely. In real life, there would be restraining orders, there would be proof required, However, on the internet and especially when we are in communities of like-minded people, many folks do just that without pausing to say to themselves “What gives?”

In other words: Where have all my colleagues (friends, family) gone? To the tune of “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

Ask good questions. Benefit of doubt should always be given. Research should always be done. Finding yourself in a position that is akin to accessory to a crime is not where you want to be. A good one to ask yourself is “Why am I hearing all these dreadful stories about someone I don’t know from a cat-herder?” and “Why is a total stranger confiding and conveying this information to me?” Individuals with NPD thrive on secrecy, they maintain it by covering the tracks of their behaviour. They do it by smearing the reputation of people from their previous version of themselves, isolating former friends, lovers, spouses, simply by painting them in an unfavourable light. “Oh, don’t talk to them, they’re crazy. He’s been stalking me all over the internet. She’s parked at the end of my street every night.” If something sounds fishy, juvenile or overly dramatic, be alert. In RL, normal adults should neither enable nor participate in this behaviour.  Ask your new friend to supply evidence.. If it isn’t forthcoming, be brave, be bold – go to the suspected threat. They won’t be hard to find, they have a starring role in the Narcissist’s tales and you may be surprised what a simple Google search may yield.

  There are always two sides to a story.

~ kei
17 March 2014

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder

NPD is a very real personality disorder. It isn’t “just” vanity, big ego or benign delusions that can be fixed by a partner or spouse. It is highly destructive and cannot be changed, regardless of anything you do. I was not aware of the difference, in fact, had no idea that NPD existed. Discovering this, putting a name to it, having a frame of reference for the actions and most importantly, knowing that NPD has a predatory aspect, has turned on a light in my life.
This blog has a wealth of information and resources: Let Me Reach on WordPress
Please visit, read and educate yourself, particularly if you are a woman who is wondering every day “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? How can I change to be better for him?” Read and discuss for our daughters’ sake. This information isn’t widely known and it must be shared.
These people are out there. They walk and talk just like us, on the surface and they may present in a very pretty package but they are not what they seem. Learn the signs and markers.

Why Does a Narcissist Write Poetry?

Why Does a Narcissist Write Poetry?.

Fair question. The answer is addressed at the website of Dr. Sam Vaknin, an expert in the field of Narcissist Personality Disorder.

You can find the full text in his book: Malignant Self Love

 “He writes such beautiful words of love, how can he be a Narcissist?” Narcissists are not capable of love in the same way normal humans are, they are however, expert chameleons. Parrots can mimic human speech. Predators can research what words humans respond to.

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder

NPD is a very real personality disorder. It isn’t “just” vanity, big ego or benign delusions that can be fixed by a partner or spouse. It is highly destructive and cannot be changed, regardless of anything you do. I was not aware of the difference, in fact, had no idea that NPD existed. Discovering this, putting a name to it, having a frame of reference for the actions and most importantly, knowing that NPD has a predatory aspect, has turned on a light in my life.
This blog has a wealth of information and resources: Let Me Reach on WordPress
Please visit, read and educate yourself, particularly if you are a woman who is wondering every day “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? How can I change to be better for him?” Read and discuss for our daughters’ sake. This information isn’t widely known and it must be shared.
These people are out there. They walk and talk just like us, on the surface and they may present in a very pretty package but they are not what they seem. Learn the signs and markers.

No Really, It’s You

“Baby, you’re the only one who understands me.” “Baby, I feel safe with you.” “Baby, I’ve never loved another woman like I love you.” “Baby, I could never replace you so quickly, I don’t work that way.”

Two of the most educational and empowering posts that I read on Let Me Reach are: Several Shades Of Smeared and How You Became The Other Woman. They both enlightened me to a recognizable behavioural pattern and have given me a little insight onto the patterns of others in the relationship dynamic with the Narcissist. Two things kept on – and and on bad nights still do – droning like bees in my brain: How can a Narcissist so easily discard someone that they claim they can’t function without. More importantly, why is there a seemingly endless line of women eager to step into your not even vacated place? My theory is it’s because they play the intrinsic strengths and weaknesses of women against one another.

Several Shades of Smeared had me revisiting a question that I was constantly asking myself. Why, when my Narc is clearly here, happy and attached to me are there women constantly throwing themselves at his feet? It seemed odd to me that these women would completely ignore my existence or treat me with disdain, while flaunting and flirting right in front of me. I’ve always had a theory that there really is no “Sisterhood”. Certainly, it flies out the window the moment that there are stay-at-home Mums and working Mums in a room together. What I didn’t know, is that a Narc will deliberately demean you to others behind your back, even while telling you that you’re his world. They will fabricate a story that paints you as an adversary and a lunatic to these women. It serves to isolate you and plays to the nurturer that many of us are. It also makes the flirting and flaunting that the Narc is doing, look somewhat more legitimate in the eyes of the ever-changing circle of people that surrounds them. Their new admirers are now special, part of the magic circle, confidantes. The cycle begins again, the new conquest is lined up.

How You Became The Other Woman, dovetailed to the above perfectly. And really? Who wouldn’t want to be the chosen of someone who on the surface, is good-looking, multi-talented and successful? Especially if you’re helping him escape or get over the “Crazy Bitch” that he is currently with. After all, he’s told you that she’s jealous, controlling, doesn’t love him.

There is always a female waiting and wanting to be “The One” for this beautiful, misunderstood creature. We’re helpers. We’re nurturers. Confidences about the crazy girlfriend or wife, turn into watching her for him, protecting him. Bonds and intimicies begin to form. You see how that works for the Narc?
Meanwhile, the partner’s at home, turning herself and her world inside out to be everything that she’s expected to be by him. Still wearing her hair how he likes it, still feathering their nest and wondering what the hell is happening.

In the internet world, Narcs have a huge new playground. They can be anything they want and it’s much more difficult to actually see the traits. All the more reason to be cautious and informed when a stranger confides in you. All the more reason to not make judgements about someone you’ve never spoken with. Surely, if you can give credence to the tales of woe of one stranger, you can at least ask the question of another?

Sit with that for a moment.

This isn’t High School Confidential. It’s not the better woman winning the prize. It’s enabling a predator by default, if one chooses to deliberately ignore or avoid the other side of a story.

~ kei

23 February 2014

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder

NPD is a very real personality disorder. It isn’t “just” vanity, big ego or benign delusions that can be fixed by a partner or spouse. It is highly destructive and cannot be changed, regardless of anything you do. I was not aware of the difference, in fact, had no idea that NPD existed. Discovering this, putting a name to it, having a frame of reference for the actions and most importantly, knowing that NPD has a predatory aspect, has turned on a light in my life.
This blog has a wealth of information and resources: Let Me Reach on WordPress
Please visit, read and educate yourself, particularly if you are a woman who is wondering every day “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? How can I change to be better for him?” Read and discuss for our daughters’ sake. This information isn’t widely known and it must be shared.
These people are out there. They walk and talk just like us, on the surface and they may present in a very pretty package but they are not what they seem. Learn the signs and markers.

**Duly noted that there are both males and females with NPD – I’m relaying my thoughts, opinions and experience not someone else’**

Narcissist ~ Acrostic III

Narcissist

No compassion has he, nor understanding
Accountability shirked, always grandstanding
Rages and threats used as controls and tests
Concocting fantasies about life, love and success
Insinuating the worst about my actions and being
Suspicious of everyone I see,  everything I’m doing
Sugar sweet, so sexy, he sets the bait
Indignant when asked to reciprocate
Subterfuge he’s raised to the highest art
Twisting me to his ways, breaking my heart

~ kei
22 February 2014

Handsome is... as Handsome does.

Handsome is… as Handsome does.

Definition of Acrostic form sourced from: Shadow Poetry:

“Acrostic Poetry is where the first letter of each line spells a word, usually using the same words as in the title.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

NPD is a very real personality disorder. It isn’t “just” vanity, big ego or benign delusions that can be fixed by a partner or spouse. It is highly destructive and cannot be changed, regardless of anything you do. I was not aware of the difference, in fact, had no idea that NPD existed. Discovering this, putting a name to it, having a frame of reference for the actions and most importantly, knowing that NPD has a predatory aspect, has turned on a light in my life.
This blog has a wealth of information and resources: Let Me Reach on WordPress
Please visit, read and educate yourself, particularly if you are a woman who is wondering every day “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? How can I change to be better for him?” Read and discuss for our daughters’ sake. This information isn’t widely known and it must be shared.
These people are out there. They walk and talk just like us, on the surface and they may present in a very pretty package but they are not what they seem. Learn the signs and markers.