I Got Nuthin’

… but I did stumble over this in my virtual wanderings. It’s funny and very relevant for me right now. Personally, I’d love if The Gossip got a kick in the arse every time they spread their fertilizer… A girl can dream!

How to Squelch Malicious Gossip: 15 Steps (with Pictures).

Monday Melancholia

Ever the little match girl

Shivering outside the hall

Watching people come and go

New and old, all welcomed

With hearts, flowers

Euphemistic hugs and “huns”

Sisterhood claimed

But only for the chosen ones

There is no real sisterhood

Behind these walls of glass

Melancholy?

Yes. As I wave goodbye

To another stranger

I could throw a rock

To break the walls

Shatter the false illusions

Instead, I’ll square my shoulders

Souldering on with my integrity

Those who choose to listen to a snake’s whispers

Those of tribe hearts, hugs and smileys

Are too false and too shallow

For walking wounded like me

Remain in your palace of glass

Far too hard to make a true effort

And it will come to pass

That truth will be revealed

Duplicity and lies can’t be forever

Concealed

~ kei
13 July 2015

View From The High Road

Walk a mile in my moccasins

Before you choose

To abuse

You didn’t climb my mountains

You didn’t ford my white water

There are days that I can barely breathe

When victory is getting off my knees

If you think you’ve a right to judge me

Remaining too indifferent to compare

I hope you aren’t teaching young minds

Your lazy notion of fair

Walk a mile in my moccasins

Before you choose

To abuse

~ kei
10 July 2015

Meanwhile, Back At The Internet Café

I wrote this at the height of the “Gaslighting” phase of my two-year relationship with a Narcissist Predator. It’s really strange to go back and read my poetry and short stories from the period. Such highs! Such lows… So much love and romance but also black despair and suicidal tendencies. Scrolling through my journals, I found this draft and smiled a little. It is a sarcastic satirical and black-humoured piece. I was trying to cope with the assemblage of hoydens he’d gathered by writing about them the way he talked about them – never could figure why they just kept on lurking despite his insistence that “they were stalkers, knew he was engaged, were jealous of me”… Anyywaayy…
What I see now is the inkling of my comprehension of the pattern, how Apaths of varying degrees fit in to my story, lending credence, alibis or window-dressing as he required. Truly amazing, the effort he expended to keep me fooled or manipulate me to do certain things (my favourite was “Baby, would you comment more on my blog? People love to see us as a real couple, not just our books”) The funniest part is that “The Ladies” written about here are indeed real people, unlike some of the ones he created. Bruce Jenner had nothing on my poet! And I can actually smile, if ruefully at that today.

~~~~~

When I look back on how it all went down, I see it as if I was in a horror movie, a very bad, B-grade horror movie.

You know the ones, where you’re in a normal place, doing regular things and you look up to see that everything has gone to black and white. What you thought were people have all morphed into scary doll creatures or zombies and they’ve all turned to stare at you. Meanwhile, bit players drop in and out, talking to the zombie vampire people, buying their coffees, talking and laughing and totally oblivious to the fact that we are now all in a Hammer Film production. You look at this and wonder, like I still do; how can they not see the evil intent? How can they not know that those smiling mouths are full of lies and those pious old gals, gardening grannies and wholesome looking farmers’ daughter types are all bent on messing with lives out of unbridled jealousy and hatred and for their own twisted amusement? You want to yell, “Don’t open the door!” to the protagonist but… it’s you.

All of that came later though. When I first stumbled across it, the cafe was a fun place to be, good eats, good coffee and the owner had a smile and a poem for everyone. It was easy to see that the regulars at the banquette table at the back were indulging in some pretty serious geriatric flirting with the Café owner. He took it good naturedly, and it was nice to see that even those who could barely spell; always received a kind word of encouragement. There were no signs of the undercurrents of crazy when everyone connected to this story first met. Actually, in a Stepford Wives way, the regulars welcomed newcomers in.
That’s how I first became acquainted with them. The Ladies. Or as I later came to think of them: The Post Menopausal & Poseur Poetaster Club, of the Internet Poetry Café.
I like alliteration. Deal with it.

You remember how it was, right? Lots of laughs, inspiration and folks coming and going at all hours, The Ladies gathered at their table; Hist’mina Munchhausen Fibthorne – “Wheezy” to her friends, Maia Witless Artesian, Guerensy Rime Mooerson and Cheri Del’Usional Aprils. All chatting it up with the cafe owner, smiles, moues, coy glances and “What do you think of my stories?” “Can you help me with this sonnet?”

Who ever would have guessed that such ordinary looking grannies, could harbour thoughts worthy of “Arsenic and Old Lace”, not to mention a healthy dose of “Fatal Attraction?” Fitting analogy that. A tale of sinister plots, deceptive old dolls and a plot twist: married and attached gals who would lie, cheat and write their own men out of the script for a chance to get into the handsome Café owner’s pants.

I never would have guessed, naive I suppose. I saw a nice place to stop in to, my battered journals in hand and to share some thoughts with the regulars, The Ladies of the Banquette. Mentors, right? That’s what I was thinking at first.

Monsters, more like.

More like indeed! Like attracts like doesn’t it? As the Café grew in popularity, newcomers joined the original self-appointed harem.  Des DoubledipmyBunn and Anglésa BlueWindyChapeau decided to write themselves in. Fortunately, the Café owner was more a fan of Albert Camus than Archie comics.

Then there was me. Quietly observing, scribbling away as I always had . How could I know that the Café owner would take an interest in my stories? Who ever would have thought that this would so stir the ire of The Ladies and later, their minions? Not me. That’s for damn sure. I walked in there like a lamb to slaughter, they had their poisoned pens aimed and the hot flashes got hotter.

But that’s another story for another day…

~ kei
2013 sometime…

Aside

It’s always so painfully obvious when a post of this nature is in order.

People do not volunteer negative opinions, slander or lies about another person without some sort of personal agenda.

If you blindly act on unverified information, you do the victim a huge disservice.

Worse, you do a disservice to yourself.

I’m a Law Clerk. Both sides are heard before judgement is passed.
Makes sense, n’est-ce pas?

Beware Of The Half Truth

The 4 Most Common Narc-Sadistic Triangulation Tactics

I haven’t shared an NPD post in a while. I’m at a point where I don’t read any but the most informative and trusted people. I also avoid anyone who was involved as best I can.
I’ve referred to these people as “Apaths”, they are also known as “Flying Monkeys”, as they do the Narc’s dirty work. Bree’s article gives excellent examples of how the Narc brainwashes (triangulates) people into believing their lies and acting on them.
My former fiancé was a master at all four.
If any of the below sound familiar, you are likely dealing with a Narcissist and getting good information is essential. I can be reached through the “message me” tab , if you’d like links.

Free From Toxic

image There is already a lot of information about triangulation, one of the favorite manipulation tools used by narcissists and people who suffer from “cluster B” personality disorders. However, I think it’s important in any kind of relationship, that we learn to identify the early warning signs and red flags, when interacting with people who display narcissistic traits or sociopathy. This way we can better arm ourselves from being exploited and abused and make informed decisions about who we allow in our lives, as well as, set appropriate boundaries to avoid and protect us from being negatively impacted by these toxic interactions.

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Hello Missouri

Hello, hello

Welcome my dear

I’ve noticed you before

I know why you’re here

Peruse and digest

It’ll all become clear

Your intuition is correct

It’s what draws you near

You were mentioned to me

A whisper in my ear

You may find some answers

You’ve nothing to fear

So say hello Missouri

Let your vision be clear

It’s not what you want

Though it’s what you should hear

~ kei
15 December 2014