My Big Fat Reblog

Well, share actually. To keep my post size manageable here and in the feed, I’ve linked rather than reblog.

Kendall F. Person of The Neighbourhood on WP, just wrapped up a three-part series on gossip. It was done in a story format and is incredibly powerful, delving into the motivations of the person who initiates the gossip and blowing up the general attitude that repeating misinformation is harmless.

Y’all have probably seen my shorts, poems and rants about gossip. It’s hard to be completely objective when one has been and continues to be, targeted by a gossip. Kendall’s pieces bring home the point so much better. I hope you’ll take the time to read each of his and perhaps mine too. It is subjective but factual. Gossip hurts.

I’m listing them in link format below and the last link is to an old piece of mine that retells and old Jewish parable about the consequence and effect of malicious words and as I like to refer to gossip, ‘sanctioned slander’.

Comments are welcome on this piece in particular and note that it falls under my writing about Narcissism. Gossip is one of the power tools in the Narc’s tool kit and they use it and their cronies to start it and spread it.

Ask good questions. Start with ‘why is this person telling this?’

~ kei
3 December 2015

~~~~~

Gossip Part One

Gossip Part Two

Gossip Part Three

Words, Feathers, Rabbis and Letters

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Pain For Gain

Trying to write the piece I mentioned last week is harder than I thought.

There have been many days, weeks, months that I never think of Peter or what those two and some years with him were. Unfortunately, writing something hopeful and perhaps even inspiring for people involved with Narcissists or just beginning the process of leaving means that I have to go back and visit that time.

Those panicky, terrified feelings creep back as I remember and there was so much… the mind boggles at the hugeness of the deception. I still can’t fathom it – the why of it.

It didn’t die with him either. I can only hope that those who read the book when it’s out, will find some comfort in knowing they aren’t alone. That’s the worst of it. Feeling alone, barely understanding what’s happened and being judged by others who know nothing about narcissists, sociopaths or pathological liars.

I hope this disruption in my well-being will be worthwhile. That what I have achieved helps someone to break free and move on. Knowing it won’t be easy, knowing there’ll be extremely difficult times but being assured that it’s worth it.

One’s self-esteem, value as a human being and right to live free of this abuse is worth every bit of the struggle.

~ kei
26 November 2015

Hiatus

Hmm… Well that was a bit of temper wasn’t it?

Fact is, I need a break from WordPress. It’s been close to four years, ninety percent of which was spent managing my once fiancé, the Narcissist Poet, our families and the machinations of a  boat load of Apaths invented and real, that he was continually acquiring.

One of them continues to attempt covering up her shitty behaviour by slandering me to other poets on WP. How do I know? One of you told me she does, worse, some believe it.

So.

I’ve been asked to contribute an article about the Survivor’s perspective after escaping a Narcissistic relationship. The article will be published in a new book being published by a respected clinician in the field and I’ll be detailing events and my ongoing recovery in the chapter that I provide.

I’m honoured. My intention has always been to shine a light on this little known and widely misunderstood pathology and I intend to give it my full attention. To that end, I’ll be gone for a while. Eclectic Unconfined has gone private for the duration, all else will be moved to the back burner while I write, regroup and reassess.

My friends will be able to reach me via email as always and for a perspective on how Narcissism can affect your life, reading my blog from the early days on may show you. The initial love, the  creeping doubts, the dawning realization, the awful truth and implosion and sadly, the ongoing fallout. I would have preferred that it had been private but we can’t choose who targets us, only how we pick up the pieces.

This post on Let Me Reach, promises to have a wealth of information to share for those of you who may be looking for answers for yourself, a friend or loved one.

~ kei
14 November 2015

The Tally

Balancing the scales and counting the cost

There’s only so much that one can do

To avoid the pain of terrible memories

Progress can be such a fragile thing

The unending, unwanted and insidious

Exposure to the perpetrator

So poorly disguised

Is too much

I cannot do it alone

And so I’m counting the cost

Of a friendship lost

Versus this casual pain

Should I remain

~ kei
27 September 2015

Thank You, Update And October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

First of all, thank you all for your lovely comments on my post about my Daughter’s birthday. I’m still a little bemused that anyone would entrust ME with two humans to raise but we’ve all survived, thrived and are a happy little band of love and silliness.

It was a busy day, as will this one be and I’m still trying to play catch up with you all in person – I’ll get there! In the meantime, just know it means a lot to me that you take the time to visit, read and comment ❤

I do need to share this important post with you from Bree Bonchay’s blog, “RelationshiPedia”. I’m doing a “press this” rather than full “reblog”, only to keep my post to a reasonable length.

Many of you know or have guessed that I was involved for a couple years with a Narcissist. Poetry has helped me to put a few things into a livable context. Concrete help has come from people like Kim Saeed, who I sometimes reblog and Bree is another person who has some very concrete and useful information to share. I highly recommend both for Survivors who want a balanced, respectful and recovery-focused viewpoint.

Bree is putting together a book in honour of  October being National Domestic Violence Awareness month. It will be called: “I Am Free: Healing Stories of Surviving Toxic Relationships With Narcissists & Sociopaths” and the goal is to provide inspirational stories that validate and help survivors learn from first hand accounts.

I don’t know that I’ll be doing this myself but I do know that there are others out there struggling with the lack of information, bizarre misconceptions and general apathy about bringing this form of abuse out of the dark. Survivors of Narcissist Abuse are consistently revictimized by misinformed family, friends and strangers and that must stop.

Please take a moment to read the post about the scope and intent of the book and if you know someone who may have a story to contribute or will benefit from its publication, please reblog, repost or save the link for future reference.

Source: Share Your Story In The Book, “I Am Free” About Surviving Narcissistic Abuse And Help Heal Others

WordPress is an amazingly supportive community and I hope you’ll consider getting the word out about this very real issue.

With gratitude and love
~ kei

I Shouldn’t Give A Shit

… but I do

Maybe because I’m a First born, we are known for our innate need for Justice, for fairness, for “Even Stephens”. Or maybe it’s because I’m a Dual Capricorn. It could be my Legal background or because I’m a Mum. At any rate, recovery from an abusive situation hasn’t lessened my ability to read the signs.

I’ll call it for being descended from Cerridwen and Tailesin, for being a daughter of Glooscap. Certainly, it doesn’t take degrees or Mensa to read a shift in the wind or more aptly, a Klimt on acid-like arrangement of binary code.

Are you with me?

Hell. Even I have trouble keeping up to my ADD / OCD thoughts once they’ve been stirred in that old and horrifyingly familiar way. He used to have me up at all hours of the night – his favourite torture – doing Internet recon missions for his real paranoia and his self-constructed “evidence”.

I feel like that right now.

Watching the same old patterns. The same old everything, regardless to who I am or what I do. The patterns repeat because people don’t change, especially those with something to hide or something to lose.

Slander is a prosecutable offence.

Sometimes I wish I was an American with that penchant for suing. It’s not like I don’t have enough evidence. I simply don’t have the cycles to sue people who are pathetic. They have to live in their skin. That’s punishment enough.

I content myself with the knowledge that Police files and my friends and family, those who were there, who saw, heard, interfaced with… and eventually saved my life; know the truth. It does hurt at times though, especially when another cycle of this all-too-visible bullying begins.

I will never understand how people can spend hours, days, weeks – talking to people, talking to experts, reading – about how to buy a fucking cellphone but when it comes to something as important as the character and reputation of another human being…

All it takes is one slanderous voice – one sad, pathetic voice – whispering complete and utter lies and you won’t raise one fucking question (start with “Who the hell would do that??!”) or one fucking finger to check the source.

Still with me? Probably not. Whatever. Half this shit never gets read anyway.

I’m sick of slander, I’m sick of lies. I’m sick of two-faced friends, I’m sick of it all. Like I said, you don’t need to be a psychic to read patterns of behaviour. So if all it takes for you to walk away from me, is the equivalent of one GT Boutique flyer’s worth of info to my Library of Alexandria’s worth… than by all means, please fuck the hell off and go hang out with the other God-spouting, deluded, morons.

I’m done.

~ kei
16 September 2015

Crocodile Tears

The difference between

“I’m sorry”
I will: acknowledge, apologize, atone

and

“I’m sorry I got caught”
You should: Forgive, forget, just move on

“I’m sorry” is a gift you give to yourself. An opportunity to learn and grow. It should not be given with any expectation.

~ kei
4 August 2015