Without Rancor

I can always tell when you’re off on another trip
To places I only dream of with the woman you call wife

You disappear for a standard period of time a week sometimes more
Or visiting virtually from a locale whose beauty takes my breath away

There is no rancor and only a trace of bitterness, honestly
You regret your choice but only sometimes. I’ve heard it before

This is how you prove to me that you don’t love me
To forever exclude me from what truly matters in life

If you will not share the simplest of things with me
Dining in public, visiting your parents, children
You do not love me and words will not change that

Love isn’t simply a feeling
It’s everything that you do
If you will not share your life
She retains the best of you

~ kei
1 February 2016


Just some old thoughts rolling around, not the present. ~k

No But Thank You For Asking – Triolet I

It isn’t fair that you should ask
That I accept less than you would
You are not free that die’s been cast
It isn’t fair that you should ask
That love be treated like a task
You swear you’d love you if you could
It isn’t fair that you should ask
That I accept less than you would

~ kei
3 August 2015


Description of  Triolet form found on Shadow Poetry.


I’ll preface this by saying, there is precious little that I haven’t done or tried in my life.

One thing that I have not done is engage in the kind of rampant douchebaggery that I’m seeing everywhere online lately.

Seriously? Par example:

On your Gravatar, you are a married with two children, a less than interested husband and you’re exploring the D/s world with your Master???

For the love of Christ!

Who advertises their adultery to the entire world? I’m sure your children will be thrilled to see this in cache view in the antiquities section of the Internet of the future. How much attention do you think those children are getting?  What about the multiple personality wife and mother of many boys? Such devotion! To my man and how many others since?

And please… don’t hand me the line that all these twats use to justify their behaviour: “We’re consenting adults”.

Are you? Are you really now?

I’m pretty sure you’re the same person who sat home eating 4 pints of gourmet ice cream /  getting shit-faced on your Dad’s beer, when you found out the captain of the soccer team / cute cashier at McGeneric’s dumped your arse after making out with someone else. Now look at you! Out there doing the same on a much larger scale not caring who gets hurt. Didn’t you learn anything?

If either of you two consenting adults are married, engaged, living together or otherwise hooked up with another human; there is at least one adult who is NOT consenting. More likely it’s two who are not consenting, judging by the new face of WordPress…

Why don’t we ask the other adults involved if they’d like to give their consent? Maybe send them an anonymous toy chest or tool kit, whatever the hell it is. Or how about this? Have the balls to break up with your partner instead of publicly shaming them for all eternity.

I’m wagering we’d see Mount Consent explode like Mount St. Helen’s…

I weep for the future of Humanity.

Just thinking this afternoon…

You Want To Get Caught

Insomnia, sort of but mostly a manic phase of ADD
My brain is in full on squirrel monkey mode
Two AM thoughts have me up and typing at the Witching Hour
I remember having to explain this term to P, he’d not heard it before
Ironic, as most of my street smarts about the Information Highway were lessons he taught
Funny too that I’m awake due to the asshats driving by… just another spring time, post studies, pre exam, suburban Friday night. I guess it’s something that these are 3D asshats
Roads, highways, crossroads and forks
I’m older than dirt (older than 31/4’s, older than DOS, older than MacIntosh) in Internet years. The short story is, I grew up with it and have never been without a computer. I like to think I’m pretty savvy… I grew up with Northern Telecom HQ in my backyard, I worked for Mitel, Newbridge and iSTAT. I thought I knew some some. That’s always the downfall, right?
We think we know about this because we know that
So, the thing is, I’ve had some horrific experiences on the Internet and if it could happen to me, it could happen to anyone
If you’re putting it on the Internet, you want to get caught or you want someone else to find it. No, not quite the same thing
You think a carbon footprint is hard to minimize? When solid actions hit bandwidth they become dust in the wind and can’t ever be erased or hidden. Ever. Everything leaves a trail
I don’t know why I care about a perfect stranger… I can’t even say what not to do because it sounds preachy and judgemental but I can say why not to
If it’s on the Internet, it can be found. Someone will look for it, or stumble over it, even if it’s been deleted, even if the most elaborate schemes have been concocted to hide it. It might be manufactured – mostly what happened to me – or it might be your own choice but that shit is out there forever. In the context of a loving relationship, I’ve done same… and when the relationship ended… Not the same as those who “just play” or are having an affair but the result was the same

So if you really don’t want your husband / boyfriend / wife / girlfriend to know… don’t post those pictures, videos, whatever. It’s bloody sad that it’s not just teenagers who are the only idiots about this… I mean those “adults” who do this deliberately… yeah, yeah, thrilling and all that shit but what happens when the breakup comes, you forget to log off, she doesn’t like being dumped, he takes an interest in your Pinterest
Or maybe it happens like with me… He forgot that he gave me all his logins, to all his blogs, his Facebook, I ran both our FB pages at different times, had his banking info… on and on… Maybe think about that before you send a message or photo to someone
Gah!! My retinas!!
Funny how our choices and actions can be in direct opposite to what we say we want
You said you don’t want him to know, that you love him – your words. Then stop posting the pictures, the videos and all the other shit you’re doing. Your actions say you want to get caught. The result will be you’ll lose him. Have the balls to end it and let him keep his dignity or stop doing what you’re doing. I do care and am worried for you
It’s that simple
Not preachin’, just sleepless as the anniversary and the other anniversary are just hours away now and all that dust in the wind that he, me and the others kicked up, swirls all around my thoughts… and can still be found in virtual corners

~ kei
23 May 2015


There is a rage in the cage
My jail is of your perception
I am not just a hobby
Was that your intention

Because when I’m alone
Silence cuts to the bone

Did you think I should be happy
With only scraps from your table
To be worked in to you life
Only when you can schedule

Because when I’m alone
Silence cuts to the bone

You claim that you love me but I’m here alone
Tell me she’s cold yet you refuse to leave her
Your emails come from exotic, couples trips
Since when is that love? Not now. Not ever

Because when I’m alone
Silence cuts to the bone

If you can’t be seen with me in public
Don’t expect my sex, heart or soul
Why should I accept just part
I seek the other half of my whole

I may be alone but I’m doing just fine
Silence may be golden but I won’t be your concubine

~ kei
21 October 2014

Karma Is Not A Bitch

I always rather liked Karma. We’ve disagreed – my fault – a time or two but mostly, she’s done me square.

What I like about Karma, is that she’s all about balance and she totally let’s you take the wheel.

Unlike Revenge which can be driven by mindless rage, however well justified that may be.

Not like Justice either. Justice looks after the blacks and whites. She misses a lot of the grey area where our selfish justifications live.

Karma’s simply about bringing the universe back into alignment. The keeper of Newton’s Third Law.

Sometimes, Karma has a warped sense of humour. She sure has got me a few times!

Finding a mouldy blob in the fridge instead of the piece of chocolate cake you hid from your brother is Karma.

Karma gets a bad rap but that’s because she hangs out with humankind so much.

Her favourite messengers aren’t typically the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

No. Usually, it’s just another human. Delivering the lesson, be it good or bad.

That’s not to say that her invisible kick in the seat of your ethics isn’t gonna hurt like a bastard.

Or that onlookers might not be glad that it does. Let’s face it: Karma can borrow Justice’s clothes

Man! She has a resting bitch face that looks a hell of a lot like Revenge too.

Karma doesn’t pick the sides though. She’s the ripples in this ocean caused when YOU drop the stone.

It’s all about balance.

You have an affair with someone else’ partner on-line. Justice is like, “What? I didn’t see that”. Revenge is all, “Let me at that skank bitch”. Karma doesn’t judge. She doesn’t give a shit.

It’s just balance. Time, tide and flow.

Eventually, the ripples are going to reach the opposite side of Life’s shore.

Maybe to the woman who has the passwords to his computer.

With that: the cycle and lessons of Karma for each of us as individuals begins.


~ kei

5 October 2014

Keanu on Karma


So, I discovered that my email service at work has a “recall” feature.

Yup. That’s right. If you accidentally hit the “send” button on that scathing ream-out email that you’ve composed to your boss, you can recall it. This nifty feature even tells you if it’s been read or not. You can get a head start on packing your desk if it has!

I had a dark snicker at the thought that the Arse-issist probably would have loved to have this feature on HIS email service.

If I had a dollar for every time he sent an email that was a forward, an unchanged subject line or copy paste from one of his female Apaths… He was fond of sending photos of himself or us from Video hangouts. “Remember this Baby?” Like I’d forget… Unfortunately, sometimes he’d attach the wrong photo! Big time wrong… No that’s not my bits Baby.
You never know who’s gonna be sending out your stupid, naked arse to the world.

Ain’t no recall button fo dat!

~ kei
30 August 2014

For Sale / Obituaries

One bed. Pillow top. Double. (a Queen wouldn’t fit through the narrow hall and doorway of this apartment)

Gently used (unlike my heart)

Dimensions: 137 cm × 191 cm (remember joking your feet would hang out the bottom)

May need to spot clean some teardrops or two thousand (three, four, five thousand)

There is a slight scorch mark on your side, the right hand side (where my laptop lay beside me every night)

There may be a scorch mark on my side (where temporary long-distance didn’t keep us apart)

Perhaps the memory foam holds the imprint of my body (wrapped round the screen where you slept every night)

The echo of your voice is caught in the weft of the threads (Baby, I sleep better when you’re here with me)

I know I hear my voice there every night that I lay down (Goodnight Beautiful One, I’m watching over you)

Lately though, I can’t sleep. I hear other whispered voices (Goodnight Jane, Goodnight Josephine, Goodnight Big Red)

They wake me up screaming and holding my head (the voices of the strangers that you brought into my bed)

My nightmares stay with me, all day they attack (tell me who was behind the screen, when the screen went black)


Will deliver

~ kei
5 March 2014

mac in bed

Cináed IV

Daily Prompt: Tainted LovePhotographers, artists, poets: show us RELEASE.

We can’t go on like this Love
The stakes are too high
I’ve loved you since forever
And so I shall until I die

You are still so beautiful
Your essence is the air I breathe
And my colours are all gone
Whenever you cannot be with me

But the shades of grey we live
Are choices made so long ago
And though it means the world
To me that you finally let me know

These stolen moments, kisses
Just keep this raging fire alive
We need to dampen down the flame
And yet continue to survive

So take me in your arms Love
Just one more time, this is the last
You cannot be my future
But forever my treasured past

~ kei
22 February 2014


It’s so hard to keep you at arm’s length
When I’ve been holding out so long

Your number’s lighting up my cellphone
And I’m so tired of being strong

So yes, I’ll be your downfall
I’m already your youthful regret

You said that you still love me
I’m the girl you couldn’t forget

Now the cards are on the table
I’m done debating right or wrong

I know you’re willing and able
You’re pull on me has never gone

My pride doesn’t keep me warm
And neither does my integrity

I cannot bear another night alone
Leave your ring where I keep my key

~ kei
6 February 2014