I Shouldn’t Give A Shit

… but I do

Maybe because I’m a First born, we are known for our innate need for Justice, for fairness, for “Even Stephens”. Or maybe it’s because I’m a Dual Capricorn. It could be my Legal background or because I’m a Mum. At any rate, recovery from an abusive situation hasn’t lessened my ability to read the signs.

I’ll call it for being descended from Cerridwen and Tailesin, for being a daughter of Glooscap. Certainly, it doesn’t take degrees or Mensa to read a shift in the wind or more aptly, a Klimt on acid-like arrangement of binary code.

Are you with me?

Hell. Even I have trouble keeping up to my ADD / OCD thoughts once they’ve been stirred in that old and horrifyingly familiar way. He used to have me up at all hours of the night – his favourite torture – doing Internet recon missions for his real paranoia and his self-constructed “evidence”.

I feel like that right now.

Watching the same old patterns. The same old everything, regardless to who I am or what I do. The patterns repeat because people don’t change, especially those with something to hide or something to lose.

Slander is a prosecutable offence.

Sometimes I wish I was an American with that penchant for suing. It’s not like I don’t have enough evidence. I simply don’t have the cycles to sue people who are pathetic. They have to live in their skin. That’s punishment enough.

I content myself with the knowledge that Police files and my friends and family, those who were there, who saw, heard, interfaced with… and eventually saved my life; know the truth. It does hurt at times though, especially when another cycle of this all-too-visible bullying begins.

I will never understand how people can spend hours, days, weeks – talking to people, talking to experts, reading – about how to buy a fucking cellphone but when it comes to something as important as the character and reputation of another human being…

All it takes is one slanderous voice – one sad, pathetic voice – whispering complete and utter lies and you won’t raise one fucking question (start with “Who the hell would do that??!”) or one fucking finger to check the source.

Still with me? Probably not. Whatever. Half this shit never gets read anyway.

I’m sick of slander, I’m sick of lies. I’m sick of two-faced friends, I’m sick of it all. Like I said, you don’t need to be a psychic to read patterns of behaviour. So if all it takes for you to walk away from me, is the equivalent of one GT Boutique flyer’s worth of info to my Library of Alexandria’s worth… than by all means, please fuck the hell off and go hang out with the other God-spouting, deluded, morons.

I’m done.

~ kei
16 September 2015

Sleepless

two AM thoughts, rapidly sliding into three AM thoughts

hello darkness my old friend

world without end

amen

been a long time since this has happened

been a long time since rock ‘n roll

actually, i meant to say

hello laptop my old friend

haven, hell, at this hour

i can’t tell

my thoughts linger here

right here at the crest of your hipbone

where my lips want to be

sultry summer heat won’t let go

that’s okay

i’ll swim around in this ocean

never hurts to know your mind’s currents

and undertow

~ kei
7 September 2015

Blogging – And How I Got it Wrong

I’ve been really feeling this concept for a long while now. Judith’s post is en pointe with regard to managing blog followers and she is using ideas that Hugh posted about recently – I hadn’t had a chance yet to pull Hugh’s post out of my saved “Press This” file – links to it are in Judith’s post. I highly recommend reading both posts.
I am utterly overwhelmed with blogging at the moment – I have four blogs, work, home business, family and life. Oh! I don’t just joke about ADD / OCD – that’s for reals.
I think it’s time for a little “ghost busting” and for any of you who are feeling the same, there’s some great advice here.
Wishing you all a peaceful Sunday. K~xx

Judith Barrow

I think I’ve had the wrong idea about blogging. When I first started writing a blog it was to introduce myself to others and to get to know other writers/ authors/poets/artists. Oh and to find different genres of books.

One of my first blogs that disappeared into the ether and was apparently seen by no one! http://www.judithbarrow.co.uk/11-random-facts-about-me/

But I’ve been lucky; I’ve made some online friends along the way who, I hope, would be the kind of friend I’d like to have in ‘real’ life. Some, especially, have been so supportive.

http://bit.ly/1F9PBUW

http://bit.ly/1LLzdQ6

/ http://bit.ly/1KvuYJR

http://bit.ly/1KVVozc

http://uviart.blogspot.co.uk/p/guest-interview.html

http://thestoryreadingapeblog.com/

And I’ve tried to help and support in return.

But lately I’ve noticed two things. There have been posts asking for more followers (one in particular was asking to raise the numbers because it was her/his birthday). And the others have been blogs to celebrate that a certain number of followers has…

View original post 662 more words

Aside

Dudes…

I am having such a hard time again this week. I’m antsy, restless, listless and electrified all at once.

I can’t face all the updates and emails… I can barely sit still long enough to bang out a sentence. I want to run until I drop but can’t get out of this chair. I need groceries but I still have a sleeve of crackers left…

I just said to a friend that it feels like I’m “squirrel herding” and that’s it exactly. If I don’t answer emails or comments, it’s not you 🙂

If there’s not such a thing as manic-depressive ADD – I’m inventing it!!

acdc Adhd

Fifty Milliseconds of ADD

*Thinking*… vanilla! pffft! trendy crap… fifty shades of bullshit… my sex is better than your sex… *humming*… ♬ better than yours ♪…what’s that tune?… ♪ ♪ La la, lalala… better than your… my hotdog’s better than… la la… this is ridiculous and what is that tune?… ♬cause my dog’s oscar meyer… *sings aloud*… my hotdog’s better than your dog ♬… that’s not right, where the hell did I hear this?… it sounds like a 70’s jingle… it’s a 70’s jingle!
*synapse epiphany aanndd – GO!!*

*sings* 🎼 My dog’s better than your dog, my dog’s better than yours. My dog’s better ’cause he eats Ken-L Ration, my dog’s better than yours!” ♪ ♪

I have remembered a jingle from a K-Tel album but I have left the house and forgotten to put on panties… SMH

The trigger: Aside on Eclectic Unconfined (18+) ~ Welcome to my brain!

~ kei
8 July 2015

I Got Nuthin’

I got so much nuthin’ it’s overflowing

Enough blank to make a verse

Tired and uninspired

Wanting to hibernate

Wishing for luck

Wishing on stars

Fey thoughts of Sugar Daddies

In the wee sma’ hours

And I wish that I was smarter

I wish that I was pretty

I wish that I could travel

To a warmer city

My thoughts are on a hamster wheel

God bless this ADD

For even in this blasé state

I can still find poetry

~ kei

24 September 2014