Trying to write the piece I mentioned last week is harder than I thought.
There have been many days, weeks, months that I never think of Peter or what those two and some years with him were. Unfortunately, writing something hopeful and perhaps even inspiring for people involved with Narcissists or just beginning the process of leaving means that I have to go back and visit that time.
Those panicky, terrified feelings creep back as I remember and there was so much… the mind boggles at the hugeness of the deception. I still can’t fathom it – the why of it.
It didn’t die with him either. I can only hope that those who read the book when it’s out, will find some comfort in knowing they aren’t alone. That’s the worst of it. Feeling alone, barely understanding what’s happened and being judged by others who know nothing about narcissists, sociopaths or pathological liars.
I hope this disruption in my well-being will be worthwhile. That what I have achieved helps someone to break free and move on. Knowing it won’t be easy, knowing there’ll be extremely difficult times but being assured that it’s worth it.
One’s self-esteem, value as a human being and right to live free of this abuse is worth every bit of the struggle.
26 November 2015