by

I Shouldn’t Give A Shit

… but I do

Maybe because I’m a First born, we are known for our innate need for Justice, for fairness, for “Even Stephens”. Or maybe it’s because I’m a Dual Capricorn. It could be my Legal background or because I’m a Mum. At any rate, recovery from an abusive situation hasn’t lessened my ability to read the signs.

I’ll call it for being descended from Cerridwen and Tailesin, for being a daughter of Glooscap. Certainly, it doesn’t take degrees or Mensa to read a shift in the wind or more aptly, a Klimt on acid-like arrangement of binary code.

Are you with me?

Hell. Even I have trouble keeping up to my ADD / OCD thoughts once they’ve been stirred in that old and horrifyingly familiar way. He used to have me up at all hours of the night – his favourite torture – doing Internet recon missions for his real paranoia and his self-constructed “evidence”.

I feel like that right now.

Watching the same old patterns. The same old everything, regardless to who I am or what I do. The patterns repeat because people don’t change, especially those with something to hide or something to lose.

Slander is a prosecutable offence.

Sometimes I wish I was an American with that penchant for suing. It’s not like I don’t have enough evidence. I simply don’t have the cycles to sue people who are pathetic. They have to live in their skin. That’s punishment enough.

I content myself with the knowledge that Police files and my friends and family, those who were there, who saw, heard, interfaced with… and eventually saved my life; know the truth. It does hurt at times though, especially when another cycle of this all-too-visible bullying begins.

I will never understand how people can spend hours, days, weeks – talking to people, talking to experts, reading – about how to buy a fucking cellphone but when it comes to something as important as the character and reputation of another human being…

All it takes is one slanderous voice – one sad, pathetic voice – whispering complete and utter lies and you won’t raise one fucking question (start with “Who the hell would do that??!”) or one fucking finger to check the source.

Still with me? Probably not. Whatever. Half this shit never gets read anyway.

I’m sick of slander, I’m sick of lies. I’m sick of two-faced friends, I’m sick of it all. Like I said, you don’t need to be a psychic to read patterns of behaviour. So if all it takes for you to walk away from me, is the equivalent of one GT Boutique flyer’s worth of info to my Library of Alexandria’s worth… than by all means, please fuck the hell off and go hang out with the other God-spouting, deluded, morons.

I’m done.

~ kei
16 September 2015

26 thoughts on “I Shouldn’t Give A Shit”

    • Your kind words and support always make me feel better and thank you Ralph ❤
      I'm venting but not just blathering. There is someone on WP who slanders me actively. I've never said a word about this person or their activities until asked directly and very recently by someone I trust – someone who was told the slander and chose to talk to and stand by me.
      Any intelligent human would wonder why an "adult" chooses to spread gossip but the cliquish nature of WP means that people throw their intelligence over the cliff and follow it. To truly feel better, I'd just publish everything about the situation or "cease and desist" the cretin, but I've been trying to rise above and live my life. It's just too damn hard to have intelligent discourse or debate with a schoolyard bully who has an agenda, a posse and a degree in bullshit.

      Liked by 2 people

      • You’re welcome Karin.

        There are three ways that you can go about this >>>>>

        1) Keep quiet and ignore that blogger. Reading this post and how its affected you, it’s a bit late for that.

        2) Approve the slanderous comments with links to that person’s blog and copy/paste any similar emails into your replies to readers. This will let your readers really know what’s going on and let that person know that you are not alone with this any more. I have helped Lynn & Liz in the past using this method and going into the slanders’ blogs and giving them what for.

        3) Keep copies or links to such nastiness and report the blogger to WP Staff.

        I feel option #2 is your best bet and I’ll ride shotgun for you and be your wingman. Yay ! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • How can I help but smile now? 🙂 I like the Wingman solution best!
        The problem is, gossips are usually cowards and if they were open about their lies – they’d get caught out, Unlike trolls. Women are stabby like that. Everything behind the virtual walls. I’ve known a long time and kept silent. This twat is part of a horrific period in my life. I’ve done nothing more than avoid and ignore because that’s what functional adults do. The gloves came off when I heard directly from someone who heard the vitriol that the gossip is spreading but had the common decency to give me the benefit of the doubt.
        Maybe I could have two Wingmen…?

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  3. I’m sorry you’re going through this, Karin. There always seems to be someone somewhere who will stir up trouble no matter what you do. Honestly, I’ve found that the best policy is usually to just ignore it. Of course, this isn’t always possible but still… 😦

    Like

    • I agree Tony and I’ve been ignoring and avoiding. Behaving like an adult. Recently though, someone came to me with what’s being said and I’m seeing a return of the predictable fallout.
      Liars lie. I can’t change what this idiot says. What hurts me are the Sheeple who just believe these outlandish stories without a shred of evidence.
      I have to stop talking about it – I just wanted the words out there – Fairweather friends are already ignoring me or gone but maybe… there’ll be one or two pause to remember – only people with an agenda talk smack about other people in secret.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Karin, I’ve not been in this exact situation but near enough…I know how upsetting it is…there’s only so long you can carry on ignoring and pretending it’s not happening…then you blow up…like you just did, bet it made you feel better but on the heels of that is always the regret that you showed *them* they had affected you. Go back to ignoring, you vented and that’s enough…just remember that whoever believes crap about you without any shred of proof or evidence is not worth knowing…it means they’re pretty stupid and/or don’t think much of you in the first place…hence they’re arseholes and who cares about arseholes, right?
    Hugs ❤

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  5. Sounds like your in the midst of a narcissistic smear campaign…my triggers went off a bit, lol but it was good to read, I felt connected to those words. Been there. So harsh to navigate…I’m glad you wrote this, I know how it feels to get it out in writing. Life is sorting the wheat from the chaff, those people who you lose due to slander are most likely not the best of friends. Keep being strong, sending good thoughts!

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  7. One only needs to read your blog and the gift of your poetry and knitting designs to see the wonderful spirit you possess. No one needs those that would judge without knowledge, accuse without understanding. They are refuse of unfortunate breeding. Don’t let them infect you. What you do here speaks for you and is your best defense. I’m going no where except to your next post. I’ve come to appreciate and admire what you share. No one can change my mind. I’ll trade you a hug for a smile 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much ❤
      I wish it didn't get me so down. I have the support and kindness of yourself and so many other truly good people. I think going forward, I need to not brood about the ones who are so superficial, the cliques and the craziness… A day away has been a wonderful balm for the soul.
      Sending you a huge smile and a hug too. Your words are so appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Urgh! Why do some people just have to, well, suck. Right attitude! But it is hard when the grapevine plays it back… 😦 Keep the faith. We love you. And we’re you’re all that matters… {{{Hugs}}} xx

    Liked by 1 person

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