Patina Of My Heart

Reading the piece “Grief” by the beautiful human and talented poet  SouldierGirl, opened an old seam in the fabric of me…

~~~~~

Does my grief equal? Can I speak at all to offer comfort?

Three of my babies were never born

“You’ll have more”

“Better now than when they’re older”

“I would have married you”

Well-intentioned words, with the accuracy of blow darts

My lost angels

I have screamed at the notion that time heals

In the truest sense, it does and it has

I rewove the fibres of my being with those threads missing

Altered by an absence

Fashioning Taj Mahal pockets in my heart

Stitch by careful stitch, day by month by year

I go on

Mended

~ kei
28 August 2015

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11 thoughts on “Patina Of My Heart

  1. I lost my daughter, my baby. I understand your words- I scream at the notion of time heals too- so far, it has not. Thank you for your raw words- they have brought me a comfort today- knowing I am not alone.

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    • The only thing I’ve come to believe is, it’s not so much time as it is the process of recreating ourselves. That process is different for everyone and has to be given its full due. Maybe it’s not so much time heals as it is that Life gives us more days as that different person and eventually, you are that mended soul… can’t quite find the right words… You are never alone. I’m here and many others too. I’m so glad that you found a little comfort in my words and I hope that will always be.

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      • I love your words Karin. I really soak them up as wisdom for me and my journey. I do feel like I am recreating myself- for so long I just wanted to be in my little hole- does that make sense? Now it’s time to come out and live again. So grateful we have connected.

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  2. Very touching words. We frequently struggle with whether we are worthy of grief when it is because of choices that we have made. We are worthy and your grief is heartfelt. 🙂

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    • They are old hurts now but the three miscarriages were devastating at the time. People who haven’t gone through this were inclined to minimize both what happened and my grief at the time. I believe that’s why it’s important and necessary to validate another’s process of grieving without judgements or comparisons, even well-intentioned ones. It’s a very unique process and I agree that we are all worthy 🙂

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