Sometimes the things I feel most deeply are the hardest to capture in the form and structure of words…
My recurring thought leading up to today is that once it meant everything to me, to us and is now reduced to a box on a calendar. There are days still when your absence causes an ache just like the pain of a phantom limb.
I used to scoff when I’d read or hear that the reason for a breakup or divorce was “He / She changed”. People don’t change, I thought. I was so young and could afford a lot of black and white opinions. The truth is; we do. We grow and that itself is change. We are tested and tempered. Family, money, health, children… We say that we’ll stand by each other through that but can’t ever know just how hard it can be. We emerge from each year a revision of ourselves. Sometimes, we just become more completely what we are.
I’m okay many days in a row now but… I will always miss how you made me feel like it was you and me against the world and I am glad we are still friends of a sort. In this sentimental moment, on a day that should have been a wedding anniversary…
I just wanted you to know that I will always hold you in the small of my heart.
25 May 2015