Why are Narcissists (Initially) so Popular?

Why indeed?

A Narcissist tells you exactly what you want to hear. The story they tell is uniquely tailored for each individual in their life, the goal being to get from you what THEY want.

The Narcissist in my life is “dead”. The quotation marks are because I learned that every single thing he said to me was a lie or a performance. Many worthy of an Academy Award. Pseudcide is not beyond his desire for laud at any cost or to escape any accountability for the damage he’s done.

Oddly, his fans still love him. It seems that death equates sainthood for a Narc, Hitler notwithstanding. They sing his praises on his “obituary” – the one that lists his wife’s death a year plus after he began his grooming and gaslighting (courtship and marriage proposal) of me and two years after supposedly becoming a widower – among many other inconsistencies. The strangest part is not even the obit itself but that the women leaving these comments were maligned and slandered by him to me throughout the “relationship” we had. The picture he painted of them and others, was both strange and horrific. I know now it was likely as false as what he said about me – and that had to be bad for these women to universally snub me and act like I didn’t exist, even over the period of time where I was “The fiancée”.

I wonder… Would you want to know what he really thought?

Would this seemingly charming, popular, successful (ha!) man have been so popular if even two of us had spoken with each other instead of believing the fabrications of a Narcissist? I know I was bullied and frightened into not contacting most of them. I bet “G” didn’t know that she was so consumed with jealousy and rage – because she was in love with ME – that he “watched her” to be sure she didn’t give a sign of leaving Vermont to come to my home and harm me. I bet she didn’t know how her actions (spurred by his stories to me) made this scenario look plausible. Or that “S” made herself such a nuisance, cruising past his home, “friending” his sister and children on Facebook, shadowing his daughter on campus that he had not one, not two but three sequential restraining orders against her. “R” would not be flattered to know the many names he had for her, gentlest being “fucking stalker”. Would his Father-In-Law be surprised to find out that he’s dead in “my” world? The tales go on…

Popular is so arbitrary. Driven by the basest of human emotions. To remain the centre of attention at all costs… What a sad and pathetic life. To destroy another human being’s life to sustain the charade you’ve woven and shore up your fantasies is sick and twisted and yet… his popularity goes on even in “death”.

I wonder… Do you want to know what he really thought and said about you? Or are the fallacies enough?

Why are Narcissists (Initially) so Popular? | Psychology Today.

5 thoughts on “Why are Narcissists (Initially) so Popular?

  1. Kei, it breaks my heart that such a monster played you the way he did. It’s just as sad that people refuse to see the truth even when presented with the cold truth. I hope in time you can heal.
    Best wishes.


    • Thank you Ben. Surrounding myself with normal people, loving people helps enormously. Anyone who knew him, is aware of me. Anyone willing to believe what one stranger says about another, without checking facts first, is not worth my time or energy. I am however, unwilling to see the monster lauded for some stolen words, some total fabrications and a credit card to buy fake trinkets on Ebay. I won’t ever have Justice but I sure as hell have the ability to speak the truth.


  2. I too know this terrible struggle having dealt closely with a narcissist myself. It was a heartbreaking experience and it nor the narcissist ever really goes away – as long as they know you will bring them “up” again they will keep coming back when they aren’t getting enough of this attention stimulation from someone or somewhere else. Its very hard. I commend you for being brave enough to share.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much. I hope you’re finding peace and healing too. It does come slowly, Narcissist Abuse doesn’t receive the coverage it should and professional resources are scant. The worst part though is the disbelief, indifference and even disdain, that sometimes is shown by people who refuse to listen and understand the scope of this Pathological Narcissism.


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