What Goes ‘Round

I’ve had cause these last few months to remember – let myself remember – some of what we once were. You have always, will always have a special place in my heart. We’ve agreed that we met too young. Too much fire, too much passion, neither of us knew what to do with it. Eighteen and nineteen… you’ll never let me live down being “The Older Woman”. I didn’t love you right away. You crept into my heart at a time that I thought it had frozen forever. That hurt seems so trivial now, in the face of the last year. You are still here though. Not mine in an every day sense but in my heart and I know that I’m held in yours. This is how I remember falling in love with you…

So, you grabbed my hand and we walked across the grass and down to the sandy beach. The memory is a little hazy, like watching a movie through a scrim or maybe it’s because the sun had been fighting a losing battle with the clouds since we’d started our drive here. The breeze that picked up was full of mist.

I wish I could remember what we talked about. Seems funny I don’t but then, the day was a lot like many we’d spent together. We sang on the drive there – our Dads both liked Buddy Holly! Such geeks, we liked him too, we laughed a lot, probably talked about your next gig, the people we worked with, what we’d be doing next week…

My memory really starts after we reached a little bend in the plage. We hadn’t been alone for a while and I couldn’t wait to be in your arms. When I turned to kiss you, the moment spun out… I looked at you and the wind had blown a stray lock of hair across your eyes. Your eyes, like the sky, looked even more blue in contrast with your tanned skin.

Something in my brain shifted, it was like seeing you for the first time and even thought the moment seemed endless, the feeling came so quickly, like an unstoppable wave…

It happened like a landslide. The feeling was… so powerful. Like that wave was crumbling the last of the walls that my heart had built against you. I remember the physicality of it. Almost like having the wind knocked out of me. l was shaking, breathless, the next thing to high.

So utterly overwhelmed, I’m not sure if I even spoke, just pulled you to me… I remember the beach grass where the plage turned into lawn, it was swaying in the wind as I pulled you down to the sand. It seemed shelter enough, in retrospect. Or maybe I didn’t want to be separated from all the elements that were part of the moment.

In your arms, I don’t think I had a coherent thought, other than, “I love You, I love You” and my body couldn’t wrap itself around you tightly enough. The feeling coming as naturally as breathing, as strong as our hearts beating together, as beautiful as your voice whispering those same words in my ear as you slid your love inside me…

~ kei

Beach Grass 2


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