Friday Fictioneers prompt for 19 February 2014.
What is Friday Fictioneers? Rochelle presents a challenge to write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end, based upon a picture that she provides on her blog.
Here is today’s picture prompt (below).
The Runaway
Word Count: 100
Genre: Fiction (mostly!)
Liz heard the bell begin to chime. Its canned notes sounded like a funeral dirge from her perch at the top bench of the bleachers.The butterflies in her stomach started their barrel-roll manoeuvers. Their presence elicited a sigh that was both anticipation and resignation. Stubbing her cigarette in a knothole oft used for that purpose, she grabbed her knapsack, and pinned a note to the spot beside her, “Dear Martin, …”, with last night’s graduation dance corsage pin. One last look at her highschool; she shouldered her pack and headed in the direction of the bus station and freedom.
~ kei
19 February 2014
**Constructive criticism welcome. If it’s constructive… and nice. I like nice ;-)**
I like the way you used the corsage pin and that her feelings were realistically mixed. “It’s canned notes”…”Its”, no apostrophe. 🙂
janet
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How embarrassing, a typo escaped the English major. Spell Check tries to correct my Canadian spelling and misses that, the contrary thing!
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That stuff happens, usually right after you post something. 🙂
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🙂
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Sounds like Liz is a free spirit.
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She is that 🙂
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Nicely written.. I really like your choice of words … the dirge .. the bell, and then the story of a teen in transition… hope she doesn’t harvest Vegas dreams… but staying might not be the right choice either.
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Thank you so much! It felt like there could be so much more to this tale but 100 words wouldn’t permit. I hope her Guardian angel is going with her. That, with some determination and ambition, smiles.
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I love how we’ve got such a detailed character portrait in such a few words, and very subtly done. Lovely.
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Thank you very much, both for reading and the lovely compliment.
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“Nice!”… since u… 😀
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Thank you Horus! 🙂
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That’s a great opener, hooked me in, great job 🙂
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Thank you so much! I appreciate you stopping by to read and comment 🙂
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Great narrative — my mind formed the images right away, thanks to the little details you added — the knot hole, the corsage pin. Excellent writing.
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Thank you so much Helena! Truly appreciate you stopping by to read and comment.
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Excellent! I thought the corsage pin may have been fashioned into a weapon here 🙂
I like the unresolved mood a lot.
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It did rather sound that way didn’t it? 🙂 Thank you so much for stopping by to read and comment. Truly appreciated.
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Good story, and I agree about the attention to detail. Good description. It can be either a good or bad decision to leave home like that. We don’t know what she’s leaving.
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Thank you so much for stopiing by to read and comment. As I wrote, I could feel more to the story. This one may be revisited at a later date to tell more.
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Sometimes, you just have to break free. Great story – I want to know what Martin did to lose his girl….
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Thank so much for stopping by to read. As I wrote, I thought there was more to the story. Maybe Martin will tell his side in the future 🙂
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beautifully written.
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Thank you very much. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
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Freedom beckons.Nicely written.
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Thank you so much for reading and the lovely comment. Much appreciated.
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Dear Karin,
I celebrate Liz’s freedom. Enjoyable read.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you so much Rochelle. I really love the challenge of the prompts you provide and all the different stories that they inspire. 🙂
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I can feel her relief! Great story!
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Thank you so much Riya!
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