I haven’t been sleeping well the last few nights. What else is new?
Daylight hours, my body sleepwalks through the motions while my mind is whirling like a dervish
Thoughts chase themselves round and round. The present’s detritus gets caught up in the hurricane of the past
I can’t make sense of it, whirling me round until I collapse, out of habit into a bed that’s no longer for sleeping
Lonely, angry, exhilarated, confused…
Watching for any sign from you. Wanting to smash the words out of these keys to your eyes – say something!
Tell me something, anything… I’m drowning here. Hanging on to the life-preserver of your last communication
I’m here trying to read you and I feel gauche and naive and desperately afraid of saying the wrong thing
Once I could read you like a book, but I’m lost now, I cannot see your eyes, or summon the words from your skin
Open yourself to me. I want to breathe you in, I want to hear your voice, I want to hold you, make love to you
Are you still there at the core of all this whirling accumulated life? I can barely feel you in the cavalier exchanges and clipped phrasing
Where is the fire… The fire we made… I’ve been so cold for so long…
Can I still move you to laughter, tears, I want that passion from you. Let go… it’s just me
Are you starting to feel the acceleration now too? The spin in the thoughts, catching your body into that familiar groove
Because I don’t want to be laying here in this maelstrom alone. No. I want you and your miles of distance to lie awake and burn for me the way I do for you. Gathering momentum…
No slipping away into dreams. Spin me thoughts to burn down the house, reach me… I want to feel you coming from miles away. Now! Soon… Soon… How long are you going to keep me waiting?
Catch me up in this mad, revolving dance. Dizzy me up and don’t ever let us touch down again
26 December 2013