Today is a very hard day…

My thoughts are not where they should be. I’m glad that I have a rote task to perform at my desk.

If you had any idea how hard it is to keep away, to not respond to you. It takes all my strength of will.

What you don’t understand is that so many actions put a lie to the words. Time and time again. At the end, I was holding on to my believe in you and in us by sheer force of will. I just didn’t want to admit how wrong things felt and looked or how flimsy the explanations were.

I will never understand what happened here. Never.

Today, that never and wanting desperately to have an answer is breaking my brain, tearing at my heart and soul.

I trusted you. How can you say you love me, that you miss me, when everywhere I look I can see the evidence of your other life without me?