Not Over You

I was sure my inspiration was gone dry as an Arctic desert but… some people are like that one drop of water or that one tiny spark that you need to take one more step, reach for that sip, bleed just a little more ink.


This unwanted wanting

The nameless need that I proclaim

This is what comes from our talking

The rain is falling

Keep falling rain

Take me back there again

This afternoon should be tangled sheets

Sweat slick bodies and years of famine finally sated

But it’s a tricksy email, fancy footwork

Ties that bind and can’t get off work

This nameless need that knows my name

Knows my heart and screws my brain

This wanting and endless taunting

Never stop sweet Blue Eyes

It’s good to be wanted

Better to be needed

I love all these thwarted tries

And the ache between my thighs

And I’ll never audibly proclaim

This ever the same, naming you my need

For the wanted, leaves me haunted

Sweet, hot spill of your seed…

~ kei
27 November 2015

Is this afternoon delight? Maybe… probably just absolute shite… but you can always find me here and yourself too, on the days you feel you’ve lost those hard, sharp pieces of your fiery youth. They live forever inside my words… and so do we.
Not keeping this on Unconfined. I kinda like it and I kinda want the world to know that some things never change, even if they can’t ever be.
Oh! And yes. Yes, I do write for you. Still.

Pain For Gain

Trying to write the piece I mentioned last week is harder than I thought.

There have been many days, weeks, months that I never think of Peter or what those two and some years with him were. Unfortunately, writing something hopeful and perhaps even inspiring for people involved with Narcissists or just beginning the process of leaving means that I have to go back and visit that time.

Those panicky, terrified feelings creep back as I remember and there was so much… the mind boggles at the hugeness of the deception. I still can’t fathom it – the why of it.

It didn’t die with him either. I can only hope that those who read the book when it’s out, will find some comfort in knowing they aren’t alone. That’s the worst of it. Feeling alone, barely understanding what’s happened and being judged by others who know nothing about narcissists, sociopaths or pathological liars.

I hope this disruption in my well-being will be worthwhile. That what I have achieved helps someone to break free and move on. Knowing it won’t be easy, knowing there’ll be extremely difficult times but being assured that it’s worth it.

One’s self-esteem, value as a human being and right to live free of this abuse is worth every bit of the struggle.

~ kei
26 November 2015

Petites Pensées ~ Former Lovers

The hardest thing for me to understand is, how do you get from finishing my sentences, making me laugh until I cry, challenging me, longing for me, pushing me, searching me out after years… To this wall of cold silence?

I think if I knew the why of it, acceptance would come in time and I could stop having these conversations with myself that always seem to end with “well… if he cared, you would know, not questioning”.

After all that we meant to each other, how can you treat me with the detachment of a specimen under your microscope? More importantly – why?

~ kei
21 November 2015

How do I get back to the full dashboard on


I work exclusively from the old dashboard. I find it a calmer, better organized workspace, and less ‘screaming Twee’ visually.
This post by Liz Dexter owner of Libro Editing, explains how you can get to the old version of the dashboard very well.

Originally posted on LibroEditing proofreading, editing, transcription, localisation:

I’ve been asked this question a few times recently, as WordPress has sought to make it easier for users to post a quick blog post or create a page. People who are familiar with the old, more detailed dashboard want to find it again. So here’s how.

How do I find the old dashboard on WordPress?

When you log on to WordPress, you will find a button marked My Sites. Click on that and you’ll get the new, simplified dashboard:

WordPress new admin page

Now click on WP Admin, circled on the above image.

This will take you to the old familiar interface:

Old WordPress dashboard

Note: this works for, the free version – self-hosted is a little different. If you’ve found this post useful, please do share it using the sharing buttons below.

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